a humble Monday

You guys. I can't even begin to explain how touched I've been with all of the support and encouragement I've received about my jacket. I had no idea the level of excitement I'd see from this space. I've been completely blown away by all the kindness and love and encouragement shown on comments, Facebook, and even texts. Really. I can't even tell you how much all this love means to me.

The deadline for contest submissions is next Sunday, and the finalists will be chosen by the following Tuesday. Because the prize is such a big deal, the only people who get to vote on the finalists will be those who actually entered the contest. Regardless, I am so incredibly touched by everyone who told me they would vote for my entry. I will let you know about finalists next week! Keep those fingers and toes crossed!

So. With that said, I'm heading into this week with an added measure of humility and simplicity. I spent the first chunk of Asher's nap quietly cleaning the kitchen and prepping for dinner. I have no parties to plan or company to host, and I have to say I'm liking the slower pace. I'm taking time to enjoy the smell of this spring rain we've been having the past couple of days, and I'm finding contentment in not having a big project to work on. I'm breathing and living and slowing, and so far it's lovely.

In fact, I might go out and buy some tulips, because tulips sound absolutely perfect right now.

lately

Our Valentine evening was low-key and lovely. Josh brought home a pizza and we snuggled while watching Monster's University. It wasn't anything to make a movie about, but we liked it. Saturday I went to Fabric Depot with a friend (both of us were kid-less, and it was gold), and we both went a little textile-crazy. It was a delight. And since then I can hardly tell you what I've been doing. The past few days have been a bit of a blur.

I've been reading here and there, sewing a bit, and battling this finicky migraine that pretends to go away but inconsiderately comes back. I'm woefully behind on laundry and though the chore is a necessity my motivation to tackle it is zero compared to how badly I want to sew or read.

When I put Asher to bed tonight, I should have known he wasn't going to go down easy when he playfully growled after the lights went out. When that kid gets wound up he means it.

What has your lately looked like? Mine contains nothing noteworthy, just several little things that are important to just me. You know what I mean?

lunch date

Welcome readers from The Life of Bon! I'm so happy that you're here. For my own small following of readers, I'm glad you're here too. Obviously. And if you haven't read Bonnie's blog, you should check it out. It's one of those blogs that I diligently read. How about we have a low-key lunch to get to know each other better? I can whip up some leftover pesto grilled cheese from last night. Have you ever had pesto with your grilled cheese? If not, come over now.

I'll also heat you up some tomato soup. I found my favorite recipe from these ladies. I thought that pesto grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup were perfect for our overcast Oregon weather yesterday. Is it feeling like fall where you are?

How was your summer? Did you meet any cute boys? If things with that boy didn't work out, then he's stupid for not realizing how rad you are. But it's okay to be sad sometimes. Never think that being sad is lame. It's human, and being human isn't such a bad thing at all.

I'm excited for fall fashions. I will confess, however, that I'm not even sure exactly what those fashions are. What I really mean is that I'm excited for some fall sewing. I'm in the middle of sewing a dress with lots and lots of pleats.

What have you been reading lately? I'm close to finishing The Handmaid's Tale, and I'm finding it fascinating and disturbing and thoughtful. After I finish this book, I'll be 75-percent of the way to my yearly goal. Do you make annual reading goals?

Now that we're officially homeowners, we have a list of some home improvement projects to tackle. Josh and one of our friends mounted the TV a few weeks ago, and now I'm itching to put up some shelves on either side. Have I told you that we have a 60-inch TV? It's obscene.

I can't believe it's taken us this long to talk about TV premiers. Next week is going to be awesome when it comes to Hulu. I'll have new episodes queuing up fast, people. I used to be ashamed of how much I love TV, but I'm not so much anymore. Some people hike to relax. I like to watch television.

I accidentally put a virus on our computer, and I feel like a total idiot because of it. I guess it was an honest mistake, but who likes to admit to their tech-y husband that, "Um, hon, so I may have downloaded a virus onto the computer. That might have happened. You should probably check that out. You know, just in case." Have you made any silly mistakes recently that you're loathe to admit? Don't worry, I won't tell.

We're about out of time, but let me send you with some pumpkin bread. I whipped some up a couple of weeks ago and put the loaves in the freezer so I don't eat them all for breakfast. So please, take a loaf with you and rid me of the temptation. Thanks. And let's get together soon. I mean it.

a new week

Last week was not my best. Don't you hate it when you know you're not your best? Even when I don't feel I deserve my best, I know my family deserves it. And that's what hits me hard, when I know that I've allowed my shortcomings to cheat my husband and son out of what they deserved from me that day.

So today I embraced the promise of a fresh start that Monday brings. I made some resolutions and didn't let myself succumb to the lazy. I listened to my babe more so I would know what he really needed today. I thought of ways I can serve those around me, and instead of seeing the drudgery of my day-to-day tasks I found stability and security in them.

Today started a new week, and I am ready for it.

mind reading, stream of consciousness

If you could read my mind, you'd see stuff like this.

:: 107 days until the John Mayer concert with Laura and Brooke!
:: Wait, how much money do we need to buy a home?!
:: I'll call that realtor tomorrow.
:: Which sewing project should I start first?
:: Probably the denim skirt.
:: Then the nightgown.
:: Then the blouse.
:: Then the romper for Asher.
:: I wish Josh would get home so we could watch the new Mindy Project.
:: I hate it when my home smells like smoke.
:: Thinking that the marinade from the pork tenderloin would magically turn into a delectable sauce was misguided.
:: So much smoke.
:: What was that decomposed vegetable in my fridge anyway?
:: Gross.
:: Is folding the towels going to happen tonight?
:: Probably not.
:: Redoing the blog design?
:: Who do I go to for such things?
:: Stretchy pants?
:: Yes.

be kind, rewind or fast forward or probably pause

I wish I could either rewind this day and start over or fast forward to Saturday to really put this day behind me. It's been an overly emotional day full of thoughts and emotions that battle each other to the point where I can't make head nor tails of any of it. In the middle of it all, Mr. Wilson and I aren't getting along today, and isn't it the worst to be in a fight with your best friend?

I'm diverting my hyperactive thoughts and tears into researching a bigger car seat for the babe, and my resolution is teetering between meeting everyone up for rock climbing or just staying home and throwing in the towel. Thankfully the babe has been a rock star today, smiling and laughing as if he knows that I need some cheering up.

What I really want to do is run away and go hang out at my mom and dad's, where we'd watch piled-up shows on the DVR and have popcorn for dinner. That's what I really want. And I guess that's going to happen in 10ish days, but today, 10ish days seems so far.

My reason and humility just found me and made me stare it straight in the eyes and it's saying that I need to make up with my husband and get with the program. It may not feel like it, but this day is close to over, and I get a second chance come sunrise. Or maybe sunset. Maybe today's sunset will bear that second chance I crave. Maybe I can even eek a reluctant smile out of this day. Maybe I don't need to rewind or fast forward, but rather hit pause and allow my feelings and my thoughts and my hurt to align so my soul can throw out that persistent pride.

It's time, here we go, pause. . . .

on writing

Sometimes when people ask me what I do, I'm bold, and I say that I write. I'm not that bold very often, but it happens sometimes. And then promptly I feel guilty, deceptive. Because here's the thing: I certainly don't make a living on writing--I don't make any money on writing currently. I write on this blog, and I write for myself, and I think about how much I'd love to be a bona fide writer.

Sometimes I feel like I spent all this time in college honing these skills that I love, and now they're sitting next to me, desperately wanting to be profitably used and recognized. Sometimes I feel that if my college professors and editing friends knew how much I'm not an editor or writer that I'd be letting them down. Sometimes I wonder if, in a professional sense, I'm letting my college self down. And I don't like that. At all.

 {via}

Can I call myself a writer when I haven't done any real professional writing in over a year? Can I be a writer when I dream about it more than I actually do it? Can I be a writer now that I'm away from the abundant writing opportunities of college? And here's the ultimate question: If I can figure out writing now, can I still be a writer when the baby comes?

When this baby comes, ultimately I want a healthy balance between mothering and writing. And of course that means that first I have figure out how to start really writing. I don't want these passions and talents that are so important to me to fade, and I don't think they were meant to. I read this post by a good friend and knew that that's what I wanted. I want balance. I want my baby to have a mother who values her talents and uses them, a mother who can find fulfillment in many things.

So here's the thing: I don't want to disappointment myself by not pursuing things important to me. So today I'm going to call myself a writer and find ways to make it happen more fully.

I want to be a mother and a writer. I want to make it real.

ahead of the curve

When I was engaged and told people what my wedding colors were I was met with dubious looks and halfhearted responses. "Pink and orange?" they said. "Oh, that's . . . bright." Regardless I pressed onward and enjoyed a beautiful and vibrant celebration, thanks to the hard work of my mom and aunt, who shared and executed my pink and orange vision.

A few months after my wedding, Pantone announced their color for 2011: honeysuckle.

And now the Pantone color for 2012 is tangerine tango:

I don't want to say I told you so, but here's the thing: pink and orange are the best. And I've known it all along.

on my heart

I've had much on my heart this past month, stuff that I haven't been ready to fully articulate or write out yet. I've been relatively silent on the blog lately, and I promise I'll get back into the swing of writing soon, giving you all an update on my year, my thoughts, and my heart.

For now, I hope your February is getting off to a good start, and I promise I'll be back soon!

yes, it really is Wednesday already

:: Saturday I spent the day on pain meds. Josh drove me to Joann's (since the pain meds prohibited driving) so I could use my coupon. I bought supplies for four Christmas gifts for only $35--score. I was beat afterwards, though, and lazed on the couch all afternoon waiting for the meds to clear my system. Plus side, though? My tooth was feeling better--so much better--and the meds were totally worth it.

:: Sunday we stayed home from church. I was still feeling lightheaded, and Josh was still recovering from a nasty cold. I pretty much stayed in one spot all day and read my book, knitted, and napped.

:: Monday I resolved to rid our home of any and all sickliness. I cleaned the bathroom, changed the sheets, folded laundry, and made cinnamon rolls. This was also the day when Josh started a new project for his job--in Hillsboro. Translation: He went from a 90-second bike ride commute to a 60- to 80- minute car ride commute. Gross.

:: Tuesday I meant to blog and didn't. I celebrated my friend Shari's birthday with her while her husband was working on some school assignments. We went to the Olive Garden, and it was delicious. Josh hung out at home and was more or less still a commute zombie when I returned from the birthday celebrations.

:: As I've been falling asleep the past few nights, I've been brainstorming ideas for a Christmas newsletter that may or may not see fulfillment. Consequently, it's been harder to fall asleep.

:: With Josh's new commute I think I can have some serious empathy. We all know that I hated commuting.

:: I have some Goodreads updates to post. I'm really enjoying my current book, The Woman in White, by Wilkie Collins. It's different from what I expected, but in a good way.

:: I have some good Christmas projects happening around here. My dream is to finish the serious Christmas gifting by December, or at least the gifts that I have to send.

:: I woke up earlier than I really needed to today, and I'm loving it. I have time to read my scriptures, eat breakfast, and blog. Awesome.

:: I'll post a real post soon. Promise.

early week musings

:: I'm afraid that because I don't have dedicated reading time each day I'm one book behind on reaching my yearly goal of 45 books (which I upped when I was several books ahead and when I planned on commuting everyday for forever). I would never ever ask for the commute back, so perhaps I'll have to set aside specific times for reading to catch up.

:: How is it that Steve Carel, while being nominated for an Emmy every year since being on The Office, never won? And now he's off the show and will never win an Emmy for the brilliantly comedic Michael Scott.

:: I'm in the process of building a website for a semi-secret project that I will hopefully reveal this week. The thing is that website-building is the worst, and I hate it.

:: I love my mornings now. I read my scriptures while eating breakfast, and I've really started to study and ponder them. I don't have a set time for how long or how much I read, so I read however long I feel like reading, and sometimes I switch it up with a General Conference talk or two.

:: With the first day of fall coming up this week, I plan on making pumpkin bread to inaugurate the season. I'm an autumn loyalist and hold zero qualms about summer's yearly exit.

:: All of my favorite shows (excepting Bones, which doesn't premier until November) premier their new seasons this week. I can't wait for new episodes of 30 Rock, The Office, and my newest favorite sitcom, Modern Family. I just love this time of year.

my week in review

{via}

:: Monday we did nothing. And loved it. Oh wait, we hung out with our friends Craig, Shilah, and John. It was lovely.

:: I started a five-day temp job on Wednesday. It's in a much closer location, and parking is free. While it's a thoroughly boring job, my supervisor gave me express permission to do whatever I want to fill the time. Hello, Pinning, blog reading, and book reading.

:: This job is two minutes away from the temple, so one day for lunch I ate my sandwich on the temple grounds. It was lovely.

:: I finally got my birthday package from the family. We've had quite the postal service fiasco: They tried to deliver it, didn't get a signature, and took it back to the post office without leaving a message in my box telling me so. So for a week I've been bugging my complex office and the mailman trying to find my package when really it was at the post office the whole time. The package was worth the frustration, however; I'm talking wedding photo book, people. And a cake plate and dome.

:: I went to Joann's during my lunch today and bought six patterns on sale. (Here's the thing: You buy sewing patterns only when they're on sale. I'm talking $1-4 sale, here.) I found some pretty fabric for a good deal but the cutting line was so long I had to duck out before they called my number.

:: No joke, I started planning my Christmas gifts. I want to make some and buy some, and I want to start now so December doesn't catch me off guard. This is the first time I've had this much holiday foresight, and I'm hoping it sticks.

:: I'm ready to decorate for fall and Halloween, and I'm thrilled about it.

:: I have a few autumn clothes I'd like to sew, but we'll play it by ear. In my head, though, all my ideas turn out perfectly darling.

hey, big haircut

That's all the hair that I used to have.

And this is the hair that I have left:

I haven't had my hair above my shoulders since I was in fifth grade. I've labeled myself as a haircut chicken. I've always been too scared to cut my hair too short. So, yeah, this new style is kind of big for me.

When I was debating on whether or not to cut my hair, Emily said, "Well, you don't have boys to impress anymore, so it doesn't matter if it turns out bad." True statement, and thankfully Josh loves it.

Changing my hair has been kind of fun. I'm liking my new 'do. One of our Primary kids, however, is not such a fan. When I walked into the classroom yesterday, she exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?!" Hilarious.

Do you like changing your hair?

this week

:: I've been dressing for summer, even when the weather still won't agree. This means skirts, people, even though my legs freeze. I mean, hello, it's July.

:: I tried massaman curry at our go-to Thai place and loved it; peanuts make everything better, from entrees to desserts. (PS How is it that I like massaman curry but not strawberries?? I wish I had an explanation.)

:: I researched refurbished iPods to find a replacement. My other one bit the dust a couple of weeks ago and took all my music along with it. The best. (Not.)

:: I've found some great deals on Pick Your Plum. Every day they send out a new limited deal on something awesome. The items go quickly, so if you want it, buy it! Today I bought four cute button hair pins for $4, shipping included. Very Jane is also a great site for limited deals.

:: I've been psyching myself up for another cake-baking attempt.

:: I've really been wanting a pool day. However, temperatures have been averaging in the 60s, which is a little too chilly for the pool if you ask me.

:: By Thursday I am so ready for Friday. Who's with me?

on my mind

:: What to make for dinner?
:: I love the mini Moleskine notebooks I bought at Target to replace my almost-used-up list notebook. They're lime green.
:: I don't have Photoshop on my work computer, and so the 12of12 grid won't come up until tonight.
:: Tina Fey's autobiography is, so far, delightful. {Commas or no commas? What's your opinion?}
:: I'm so close to finishing wedding thank-yous. Like, really. I promise I haven't forgotten you. Didn't Emily Post say something about having a year grace period for wedding thank-yous? So, really, I'm right on track, right?
:: Really, though, what should I make for dinner?

{via}

:: These are looking really good to me. Are you on board? I know I am. For dinner? Okay, maybe just for dessert.

the empty time card

{I realized that for professional reasons, I might be wise to remove the bulk of this post from this public forum. I don't think this blog could be an honest one without occasional references to how I spend my week days, and I do think I should be more careful in how I discuss this particular aspect of quasi-adulthood. If you're wondering about my job or how I'm doing with it, feel free to email/call/visit/apparate me. And who knows, maybe you'll get an email from me because I'll feel bad that Josh has to hear the same things from me all the time. 

Writing my thoughts is therapeutic for me, and so while I may not be expressing certain feelings via blog, I do plan on writing them out, because I've found that I'm much more articulate and purposeful when I write, as opposed to extemporaneous speech. Obviously.}

So for now, I'll leave you with the most important part of the original post:

My life is wonderful.

focusing

My mind is pretty much all over the place today. I credit that to Friday. My focusing abilities are pretty much zero. I'm having a hard time even deciding what to post in my un-focused list.

:: I got mail this week from one of my all-time favorites, Sister Katelyn Schwanke. She's been on her mission for about a year now. I miss her terribly, and I'm so inspired by her love and dedication to her calling. Getting mail from her is one of my favorite, favorite things.

:: I see this cooler all day everyday. And sometimes it's really hard not to drink a million Coke Zeros.

:: We're going to the coast this weekend, and I am seriously stoked. This will be my first time to the Oregon coast, and I've heard nothing but wonderful things about it.
:: The biggest fringe benefit of heading to the coast? Not having to teach a Primary lesson.
:: I have lots of pregnant friends (plus more who don't blog and aren't linked), and it's entirely wonderful.
:: We've had lots of flies around the office lately, including a swarm of flies in our doorway. I have a serious fear of accidentally swallowing one.
:: Can you believe it's already June 10? I hardly can.

:: I found a documentary on Netflix streaming about Helvetica. Yes, the font. Seriously, guys, I'm super excited to watch this.

So, this weekend, I'll go to the Oregon coast and you can meet me there. Okay? Okay.

And don't forget—Sunday is the 12th. We all know what that means. Can't wait to see your grids!

loving on nonfiction

Remember my nonfiction realization back in 2009? I had never been taught to appreciate nonfiction as cultural or literary. Since graduating, though, I've gravitated more toward nonfiction media, and I'm liking this extension in my media choices.

I've read more nonfiction books like this one, this one, and this one, and I am currently in the middle of this one. Josh and I love to watch earth-based documentary series together like Planet Earth and Blue Planet. We've learned about the different ecosystems in our oceans and recently watched a fascinating documentary on the colossal squid and the squid invasion in our oceans.

And to top off all that nonfiction my friend Laura recently introduced me to some delightful podcasts, my favorite being Stuff You Should Know. Thanks to the delightfully engaging hosts, Josh and Chuck, just in the past two weeks I've learned about grassoline, lame duck presidents, altruism, Nazi war criminals, sympathy pregnancy, antibacterial soap, human survival biology, crime-scene clean-up, crime-scene photography, how mirrors work, octopuses (yes, octopuses), tone deafness, jealousy, innovation, kissing, migraines, the mystery surrounding Amelia Erhart, homelessness, acupuncture, volcanoes, the world's deadliest animal, fossils, igloos, traffic, Munchausen Syndrome, the Scooby-Doo phenomenon, tickling, and decapitation.

After college graduation I used to wonder if I'd seek out learning anymore. I mean, it was handed to me for almost 20 years, and whenever I was on break, I vegged and indulged in all things fiction. I can't tell you how glad I am to know that just because I'm not in school that doesn't mean that my brain shuts down. I am just loving nonfiction media right now. For all of you who think that learning has to stop after school, you are oh so very wrong. And you should be glad to be wrong. So, so glad.

my day in gerunds

Today I have been

:: Pinning (a firewall fluke? I'll take it)
:: wearing patent leather heels
:: sashaying in a flippy skirt
:: sporting a neutral monochromatic look
:: relishing the sun and warmth
:: taking notes
:: planning meals in my head
:: updating the shopping list
:: counting the minutes until closing time
:: thinking it was Friday—sore disappointment
:: eating Italian leftovers
:: texting a good friend
:: reading this week's Primary lesson
:: wanting to bake something delicious
:: listening to happy music
:: G-chatting
:: itching to sew
:: tracking an Amazon shipment

my blog voice

I read lots of blogs. Lots. And I love it. I love reading about others' lives and how they live fully, and I love finding inspiration for my own creativity. I feel like, for the most part, I'm edified through the blogs I read. Sometimes, though, the inundation of blog voices makes it hard for me to hear my own.

I'll develop blog crushes and read back through all the archives and go crazy for their blog style. Then subconsciously I'll start incorporating some others' style into my own. Sometimes I want to be a popular creative blogger, one that other bloggers reference and quote and feature. Sometimes I want to be a profound and introspective blogger, one who is constantly inspirational. Sometimes I even want to be a hipster blogger (and really, who am I kidding with that one?). All that wanting to be something else inevitably leads to a blog rut and I don't know where to go. I get so caught up in trying to be what I love that I stop trying to be what I am.

While I like it when other blogs inspire my own, I don't want to forget the purpose I had for my blog when I first started on July 5, 2006. My first post ever included this paragraph:

I love words and minutiae is one of my favorites. It is what I frequently think of as the little bits of life that create a person. That is really what these blogs are right? The chronicling of the little bits of our lives that mold who we are, where we're going, why we do what do, and how we act is how I apply minutiae to my life.

My blog style will inevitably change as I continue writing; I mean, I started blogging almost five years ago, and my style—what I write and how I write it—has developed significantly. And all along the way, my blog has become more and more me, which is exactly how I want it to be. As I've grown up, so has my blog.

What I love most about blogging is that I come to know myself better and become more comfortable being me. I learn that I can love other blogs far different from my own and still love my blog for what it is. I learn more and more all the time that being me is enough, and that's a liberating realization.

Even with 156 million other blog voices out there, my blog voice doesn't have to drown. My blog voice is mine, and it doesn't have to be anything else.