the briefest of recaps

Well, if this isn't under the wire I don't know what is. It's just a good thing I live on the west coast so that when I post this I'll still have two hours till the new year.

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2013. You were pretty good to us. We survived sleep training and several bouts of teething. We saw first steps, first words, first foods, five haircuts, and a ton a personality. 2013 is Asher's first full calendar year in our lives, and so that's been all sorts of wonderful. We bought our first home, and I've jotted down a list of improvement projects to tackle in 2014. Asher and I took three roundtrips to Denver, one to Utah, and the shortest of roadtrips to Seattle.

{Asher a year ago}

I read 20 books, thereby meeting my GoodReads goal. And if I can buckle down and finish rereading The Hunger Games tonight, that final number will be 21. I read three memoirs, and five other nonfiction books. A couple of my nonfiction reads were read out of necessity (like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child), and the others out of sheer interest. I reread only one book, and that was via audiobook. For 2014 I have a fair mix of fiction and nonfiction books on my docket. My favorite read of 2013 was probably Where'd You Go, Bernadette, and I was surprised to realize that I didn't read any deep, soulful book during the year. My reading goal for 2014 will likely stay the same: 20 books.

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On this space, I documented the year I lived across the street from a rockstar, mine and Josh's love story, and that time I was kicked out of a restaurant. I examined what it means to be an introvert, the impact of sorrow on the heart, and why summer should be shorter. My biggest blogging feat of 2013 was Gracious Living: 31 Days of Refinement. I've received some of the kindest and genuine comments from friends and strangers alike, and I plan to keep this piece of the internet alive and well this year.

Well if I'm going to power through the last third of The Hunger Games, I'd better sign off stat. Happy new year, and tomorrow I hope you enjoy a leisurely day of movie marathons and stretchy pants. Heaven knows that my way to ring in the new year.

recuperation

Here's a prescription from me to you in case you end up working until 10:00 one night and have to go back into work at 6:00 the next morning for store inventory, like I did:

:: Do everything in stretchy pants
:: Treat yourself to lunch at your favorite sandwich shop
:: Rent a chick-flick at RedBox
:: Catch up on your TV shows
:: Talk to your mom and sister on the phone
:: Spend an hour online looking up Hey, Girl memes
:: Make an easy dinner that your man incidentally loves, like meatloaf
:: Book a room in an oceanfront hotel for not this weekend, but the next weekend, thereby satisfying your desperate need for some coast time

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If you do even some of those things, I promise your recuperation will be well underway--especially if you book the room at the coast.

cascading tulips

Sorry to leave you with such a personal and dispirited post since Tuesday. The truth is that it's been a weird week at the Wilsons'. It's been a week of melancholy moods, weird work schedules, and a pervasive feeling of disconnectedness.

I woke up this morning bracing myself for my last day of work before my weekend, and in the kitchen I saw my tulips I bought on Monday. They looked like this:

And I loved it. Maybe this could be an indication that I should have trimmed them shorter or found a taller vase, but I love how these flowers have burst open and cascaded into my kitchen. To me those pale pink blooms bring so much simple joy that a vase can't hold it. To that happy beginning, I went out into a day full of chirping birds, shining sun, and balmy temperatures.

This afternoon, as I throw open my windows to let in the spring air, I'm so glad that tulips are the type of flowers that bloom and cascade.

the empty time card

{I realized that for professional reasons, I might be wise to remove the bulk of this post from this public forum. I don't think this blog could be an honest one without occasional references to how I spend my week days, and I do think I should be more careful in how I discuss this particular aspect of quasi-adulthood. If you're wondering about my job or how I'm doing with it, feel free to email/call/visit/apparate me. And who knows, maybe you'll get an email from me because I'll feel bad that Josh has to hear the same things from me all the time. 

Writing my thoughts is therapeutic for me, and so while I may not be expressing certain feelings via blog, I do plan on writing them out, because I've found that I'm much more articulate and purposeful when I write, as opposed to extemporaneous speech. Obviously.}

So for now, I'll leave you with the most important part of the original post:

My life is wonderful.

loving on nonfiction

Remember my nonfiction realization back in 2009? I had never been taught to appreciate nonfiction as cultural or literary. Since graduating, though, I've gravitated more toward nonfiction media, and I'm liking this extension in my media choices.

I've read more nonfiction books like this one, this one, and this one, and I am currently in the middle of this one. Josh and I love to watch earth-based documentary series together like Planet Earth and Blue Planet. We've learned about the different ecosystems in our oceans and recently watched a fascinating documentary on the colossal squid and the squid invasion in our oceans.

And to top off all that nonfiction my friend Laura recently introduced me to some delightful podcasts, my favorite being Stuff You Should Know. Thanks to the delightfully engaging hosts, Josh and Chuck, just in the past two weeks I've learned about grassoline, lame duck presidents, altruism, Nazi war criminals, sympathy pregnancy, antibacterial soap, human survival biology, crime-scene clean-up, crime-scene photography, how mirrors work, octopuses (yes, octopuses), tone deafness, jealousy, innovation, kissing, migraines, the mystery surrounding Amelia Erhart, homelessness, acupuncture, volcanoes, the world's deadliest animal, fossils, igloos, traffic, Munchausen Syndrome, the Scooby-Doo phenomenon, tickling, and decapitation.

After college graduation I used to wonder if I'd seek out learning anymore. I mean, it was handed to me for almost 20 years, and whenever I was on break, I vegged and indulged in all things fiction. I can't tell you how glad I am to know that just because I'm not in school that doesn't mean that my brain shuts down. I am just loving nonfiction media right now. For all of you who think that learning has to stop after school, you are oh so very wrong. And you should be glad to be wrong. So, so glad.

polka-dotting

I wore my Easter skirt today because I thought I needed a boost. I've had an interesting week emotionally. I've had waves of feeling overwhelmed and over-emotional* (which hasn't happened a long time) throughout the week, and this morning I had a couple things happen that threatened to push my emotional buttons (not having an umbrella, leaving too late to catch the bus, and not being sure where my iPod was). Remarkably fast, however, all of my concerns resolved themselves (my umbrella ended up being in the car, I barely made the bus, and my iPod was plugged into my work computer). I thought that by wearing my cute, polka-dot skirt, I was remedying a rough week.

In looking back on my week, however, I realized that really, my week wasn't bad at all. I made a point of doing the small things—prayer and scripture study—each day. Even though I may have had rough moments throughout the day, I was always reminded of the wonderful things in my life in the end. I was given an extra measure of love and motivation. So really, the polka-dot mentality adopted me this week, and I wore a happy skirt today not to improve my mood, but instead I wore it because life is so good.

While I've had moments this week of stressing about the wet laundry still in the washer or the stove burners that need a desperate scrubbing, I realized I've also been enjoying froyo, Ingrid Michaelson, free Chipotle lunch, the one day of 70-degree weather this week, Spring Wipeout, giant ric-rac, and, of course, my polka-dot Easter skirt.

*Josh: "I've learned that women typically have many, many emotions. Me? I have about five."

Costco splurge

While at Costco today (yes, I know--Costco on a Saturday is one of the worst ideas) I bought these tulips.

They were bright and springy and joyful. Everytime I look at them I feel happy.

adjusting—finally

Adjusting to full-time work has been an adventure, to put it positively. I can't pinpoint why a full-time job has been so straining on me this time, because I've worked full-time before. This go-around, however, has put me through its paces. And it's not the job itself. I like my job. It's not glamorous by any means, and it's not an editing or writing job (which was a hard pill for me to swallow), but it's interesting. I like my co-workers, and I feel valued professionally. As far as administrative jobs go, this is one of the best.

The aspect that's been the hardest for me to accept is time. I've always been someone who needs time to herself. I don't function well when I don't have time to regroup and decompress. So when I found myself thrown into full-time work added onto an hour commute each way I felt panicked into thinking that I'd never have time make dinner, grocery shop, or do laundry, much less to indulge in leisure activities. {Note: Josh has taken up the slack most gallantly and has relieved me of much of the housework load}

So the past few months have been a mess of an often over-emotional me struggling to grasp quasi-adulthood and adjust like a normal person. I mean, people do this everyday. Who am I to complain about full-time work? And for me, full-time work does have a foreseeable end {in general, not specific—this is in no way an announcement}. When we have children, we're planning—fingers crossed—on me not working outside of the home. So this formal, eight-hour job should be a cakewalk. (Because, let's face it, mothering certainly won't be.) But full-time work isn't a cinch. At least for right now.

To the point of this post: lately I feel more adjusted. I don't exactly look forward to waking up at 6:00 every morning and getting home twelve hours later, but most of the time I don't wake up dreading my day. (Yes, I have had days like that.) Lately I've had more good days than hard ones. I may not have time to clean the bathroom every week or make dinner every night, and I'm finally accepting that that's okay for now. I'm blessed that my job is a good and stable one, that it's in an interesting part of town, and that it's two blocks away from Powell's. I'm blessed to have an empathetic husband, who listens, consoles, and vacuums. I'm blessed with stamina for socializing, because we have so many fun couples in our ward. I'm blessed with the miracle that I really have been able to find time for domestic responsibilities and hobbies.

The adjustment is finally settling down. I'm finally starting to feel more in control of my emotions. I'm finally figuring out that where I am right now, while not my ideal, is still a good place.

{Sidebar: Yes, I know that parenting will not make room for much alone-time and that I'll end up being even more frustrated in trying to keep a tidy house. Somehow, though, having mothering suck away my time seems different from IDL Worldwide sucking away my time. I'll be investing my time in my children, and somehow that has to be so much more worthwhile than investing my time in FedEx-label making.}

"the ultimate sophistication"

I was reading this talk last week, and this quote from Da Vinci resonated with me:

{Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication}

I love that. And I've been trying to incorporate that into my mentality. Since the new year, I've been taking time at the beginning of each week to go over what my wants and needs for the week. I borrow Julie Beck's system for allocating my time, and I've been making monthly goals for myself that include things from church goals to housework goals to fun goals. I weed out time-wasters and make sure to allow time for the things I really need to do and the things I love to do.

I've also been taking time to relish the small things, the simple things of my life. Nothing big has been going on around here, and so I'm taking this time to notice the beautiful minutiae in my life. I've been taking extra comfort in things like red patent leather clogs.

And patterned headbands.

When I pare down my days to the basics, to what I need and love, it works.

giving myself some slack

{"You gotta be kind to yourself"—She & Him} 

I woke up this morning feeling motivated, and for a weekday, that's a big deal for me. I have no problem staying motivated on my weekends, because I strive to cram as much housework and leisure activities as I can into my Saturdays. But on weekdays, despite my good (and usually productive) job, I often find myself feeling the length and weight of my day as I get ready in the morning.

But today was different.

Yes, I still caught the bus at 7:38 a.m. and strolled into the office at 8:30, and yes, I'll still roll into Wilsonville around 6:00 p.m., making for an 11ish-hour day. Yes, my evening will fly by all too quickly, with me grasping at every last second of home-time and Josh-time and quiet-time before bedtime.

But today I feel different. I can't say why I feel lighter today, but I do. And that's a good thing. A really good thing.

favorites

:: this chocolate cafe
:: this video game
:: this magazine—I just need to cave and buy a subscription

:: this gelato place
:: this song (didn't expect to become a Katy Perry fan. . . .)
:: this recipe
:: this hot chocolate mix

:: this website
:: these ear warmers
:: this TV show, Wii-streamable via Netflix

:: this lipstick (I've always thought of myself as a lipgloss kind of girl, but this lipstick adds just the right amount of extra to my look)

Just some things I've been loving recently. I hope you have lots of things you love too, no matter how small or trivial.

word: 2011

For the past several years I've chosen a word on which to focus, and it's been productive. This annual ritual has been therapeutic for me and has helped my resolutions stick more firmly.

This year, though, I think I need a break—not from goals or self-improvement efforts, just from new ones. I'm still working on the old ones. A lot. 2010 brought so many changes for me, and almost all of them were good ones. But change, good or bad, still requires adjustment. And I guess I'm still adjusting. My words of 2008 and 2010 (become and make my own happiness) are keeping me busy enough and invoking enough self-change and introspection for now.

I have bright hopes for 2011, my first full year in this new phase of my life. And I think that my former areas of focus deserve a revisit.

I hope your resolutions have a successful start!

2010 postscript

So, when I said, "See you next year," I meant after a summation post. Obviously.

2010 was a pretty big year for me.

I
fell in love
mourned my grandmother's passing
graduated from college
interned at the New Era
wrote published and soon-to-be-published articles
went through the temple
wedded
went on a cruise
moved states
celebrated my first holiday season away from Colorado
and
found a full-time job as a quasi-adult.

All in 2010. I had no idea you could do so much in one year!

I'm excited to see what 2011 brings for me (and Josh—because, you know, we're a family now)!

Happy new year!

some Sunday thoughts

Josh and I were called to work in our ward's Primary (the organization for the little kids), and more specifically, in the nursery (the 18-month-olds to the 3-year-olds). Last week when we were asked if we would accept this calling, my heart sank in disappointment. Yes, I accepted, but I felt so discouraged. All week I've felt that being isolated with the barely toddlers will result in me never making friends now.

I've been thinking about this all week, trying to find an upside. I first decided to be more socially proactive in making friends. I've never been that way, but I think I have to now. We have many young married couples in our ward, so there is so much potential for good friends. I really have no reason to not make friends.

More importantly, however, I realized that I agreed to serve because I have a testimony of the gospel. Not because I like to have friends, and not because I want to pick and choose my callings. I serve because my Savior asks me to. And remembering that changed my whole attitude.

wedding philosophy

Whenever I tell people I'm getting married on Friday, they usually ask something like, "Whoa! Are you just going crazy?" or "You must be so stressed out!" But I'm not. I've had a few moments of being stressed out, but really, all the wedding planning has just been fun. Granted, I have an incredible super mom and a remarkably talented wonder aunt who are taking the big responsibility load, and I trust them both implicitly. I'm not worried about anything. It's just been really, really fun.

That's how a wedding should be: fun and meaningful. And really, I'm just excited to be married, more than I am for the party. This next week I want to savor every moment, have fun in the crazy, and enjoy my time with family and friends and Josh.

I'm approaching this next week with a very live-in-the-moment attitude. I'm only getting my wedding week once, and I'm going to make it count.

makes me happy 006

Lists make me happy. More specifically, crossing items off on lists makes me happy.

With a wedding coming up I've been doing lots of list-making. In addition to this list (I glean so much satisfaction from seeing all those crossed-out lines), I've made one for Josh of things to do before he leaves for the wedding, one of things for me to do in Colorado for the wedding, and one of things to remember to pack for wedding week and the cruise. In addition to written lists, I have several mental lists going on. While things may be overwhelming sometimes, it's all made easier with lists!

makes me happy 005

Doing cheap crafts with Josh makes me happy. We pick out balsa wood puzzles from Michael's and then watch movies while we piece them together and paint them. Don't ask me what we're going to do with them, but doing stuff like this, especially with someone I love, makes me happy indeed.

makes me happy 004

Pumpkin bread makes me happy. Especially in October. I mixed it up in these bowls.

 

These bowls also make me very happy.

And then after 45 minutes, I had these.

I can smell it just by looking at those loaves. Mmmm.

makes me happy 003

 

 My wedding-countdown paper chain. 15 links left. This makes me very happy.

makes me happy 002

 

Diet Pepsi--especially in a polka-dot drinking glass that fits the contents of one can of soda perfectly--makes me happy. It's the perfect addition to any afternoon. I love the cold bubbles on my lips and the satisfying rush of the carbonation. I love it.