leaving and coming back

This past weekend was my first Women's Conference experience, and at first I was a little caught off guard by the masses and masses of women and the long lines, not to mention the ever uncomfortable Marriott Center seats. The classes, though, were great. I learned more about charity, the power of simple gospel principles, prayer, communication, covenants, and womanhood; and I also learned a lot about myself and what I need to be working on to become who I'm supposed to.

In addition to Women's Conference activities, I had lots of quality time with my mom and sister.

I got Big Swigs with my Number One.

We ate lunch at the MOA cafe while catching up with good friends.

And I even got dinner from Cafe Rio on Friday night.

I met up with old friends and made new ones. I laughed, cried a little, and made the most of my two days in Utah.

Part of me felt so unready to return to real life, but then I realized I was missing the point of everything I'd learned: I have a mission in this life. For me right now, that mission is in Portland, Oregon, and while I may miss my family terribly and wish for more time with them, my mission is happening right here in the Northwest, and it's happening right now. I'll treasure up the time I have with my family and then go out and do the work I'm meant to do. I may not even know what I'm supposed to be doing specifically, but I pray throughout my days I'll do what God needs me to.

So while I may feel unready to say this, I'll say it anyway: Bring it on.

word: 2011

For the past several years I've chosen a word on which to focus, and it's been productive. This annual ritual has been therapeutic for me and has helped my resolutions stick more firmly.

This year, though, I think I need a break—not from goals or self-improvement efforts, just from new ones. I'm still working on the old ones. A lot. 2010 brought so many changes for me, and almost all of them were good ones. But change, good or bad, still requires adjustment. And I guess I'm still adjusting. My words of 2008 and 2010 (become and make my own happiness) are keeping me busy enough and invoking enough self-change and introspection for now.

I have bright hopes for 2011, my first full year in this new phase of my life. And I think that my former areas of focus deserve a revisit.

I hope your resolutions have a successful start!

a moment

{epiphany: an appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being}

3 Nephi 19:26

"And Jesus said unto them

pray on;

nevertheless they did not cease to pray."

Conference recap

So school has been so incredibly busy that I haven't gotten a chance to blog about my awesome weekend!

Michelle invited Emily and me over, and we ended up spending the whole weekend with her and her family. Watching Conference is just so much more enriching for me when I watch it with my family; and despite my immediate family living five hundred miles away, I feel such a closeness and solidarity knowing that they are watching the exact thing I am at the exact same time. Testimonies are so unifying.

Saturday night, my grandparents from Canada took Emily and me out to dinner. We didn't know they were planning on coming into town until we got a call from them on Thursday night--what an amazing surprise! It was so great to see them; because they live in Canada, we're never quite sure when we'll next get to spend time with them. Much to my blogger dismay, I didn't a get picture :( It was definitely a highlight of my weekend, though.

Another major highlight was doughnut night on Saturday!! It was Michelle's first foray into doughnut making, and I will testify that she is a born doughnut maker!! Delicious :) We all watched Conference on Sunday and then had Sunday dinner. We played games and just relaxed and had fun together. I had such a great time, and I left wondering why Emily and I don't come over more. And now next semester, Michelle and her family will be in Paris. Blast. (For us, not them :) )

I wish I had more time to thoroughly document all aspects of my weekend, but alas, the clock is telling me that I need to get back to writing my essay exam. (I have been thoroughly unproductive in the school department today.) So here are some quick highlights from my Conference experience:

• Live providently--in such times as these, we need to learn to live within our means, and we'll be okay.
• We need to become acquainted with the voice of the Holy Ghost.
• Obedience gives us greater control over our lives.
• Covenants produce the faith necessary to persevere.
• Our opportunity to face adversity manifests God's infinite love for us.
• If we do all we can to be worthy of the Lord's help, we will have no need to fear.
• Learning lessons from the past helps us build our testimonies.
• Doubt is not a principle of the gospel.
• Prayer will fortify us against temptation
• We should enhance our prayers with song and fasting.
• Nothing but the gospel of Christ gives us a permanent solution.
• We are endowed with the spirit of fire
• Discipleship is a journey--we demonstrate to ourselves the extent of our own faith and endurance.
• We must remember who we are and what we have.
• To those who are alone, feel alone, or are abandoned, remember that Christ experienced true and absolute loneliness so that we would never be truly alone. We are never left alone or unaided, even when we feel that way.
• May we always stand by Jesus Christ, for that is how he stands by us.
• Let's take our thoughts away from our troubles and instead focus on our blessings as members of the Church of Christ.
• If we stay with Christ, there will be nothing that can defeat us.
• Satan desires to make us common, while Christ desires to make us precious and unique.
• Temple preparation should be the focus of all we do.
• Member-oriented missionary work is what will bring success. Our full-time missionaries are trained to teach--let's give them those opportunities by finding them people to teach.
• If we haven't already, we need to make an active decision of whom we will serve.
• We need to nourish our testimonies--they will protect us.

Okay, so those are a lot of highlights--it was just a great conference!!

I'll blog more about my life when I have a minute to breathe.

PS--What's up with Michelle, Emily, and me not getting a SP?!?

reflection on becoming: 2008 word

My word for 2008 was become. Really this could be a word for this life and the life beyond this one, so I could easily go without ever picking another word on which to focus my personal development, because in reality, becoming is the whole point of our existence. However, I do better with some change in focus, and I'm more motivated to keep working when my focus slightly changes. (My 2009 word I think falls in line with the tenor of my 2008 word, but that will wait for another post.)

I loved this focus. I loved altering my perspective to encompass my potential rather than what I am. I grew closer to my Father in Heaven when I remembered who I am destined to become--viewing life through this lens altered how I saw myself, how I saw others, my decisions, my mentality, my reactions.

I better realize that becoming requires an eternal perspective, especially given that in this life we won't ever be what we're ultimately supposed to be in the eternities. When it comes down to it, God only cares about who I am--not about the mistakes I make. Of course I can't become who He wants me to be by making poor choices, but those choices are only a means to what our Father really cares about--who we are in the end.

I've made the conscious decision to live in such a way that I like myself. I want to love the person I am and so consequently strive to act accordingly. I'm definitely not saying that I've succeeded 100 percent in these efforts, but by being at least aware of this desire, I feel that I can eventually reach that place.

I've seen that when my primary goal is to become more like my Savior and when I surrender my will to my Father's, God empowers me. I had a significant experience this year where I realized that I am much more on my way to becoming than I thought I was. In said experience, my most important concern was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. This trial drew on for months, and despite the pain involved, I came out victorious, realizing that my primary concern of acting in according with Heavenly Father's will made me become more of the person I want to be, without me even recognizing it at the time. With that desire, I am changed even when I don't see it immediately.

This was a remarkable year for me. I've had several life-changing experiences, and I've learned so much in my relationships with family, friends, boys, and most importantly, my Father in Heaven. I come out of 2008 so much more aware of people and how we can be instruments in God's hands, helping others become in our own becoming journeys.

I've tried to see each of my experiences as a chance to become. This mortal life is the only one we have, and we are meant to have joy; the best (and really only) way to that joy is through becoming like our Heavenly Father. None of my experiences have to be pointless--I can learn something in everything. I've realized that becoming is so much more than I ever thought it was. This really could be a lifelong word, and I'm hoping that my subsequent annual words can build on and tie into each other.

I love my life. I love who I'm becoming. I love the person Heavenly Father sees in me, even though I don't always see her.

word

So, Michelle and others chose a word for 2007 and I chose a word for myself last year, but didn't ever do a post about it. Last year, my word was 'happiness.' I wanted to be able to be happy wherever I am regardless of what else is going on. I fully believe that happiness is something you can be regardless of whatever is going on. Sometimes it's harder, but it is possible, so that was my goal last year. Overall, I think I succeeded. Sometimes I had to check myself and make sure I was on the right track for choosing happiness, but I think I made good strides toward choosing to be happy wherever I am.

So now for my 2008 word.

become

I thought of this last month during my religion class after reading Dallin H. Oaks's talk "The Challenge to Become." (check it out). Elder Oaks says that "the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become." I think I always knew this, but cementing the truth that the Gospel is one of not necessarily doing, but becoming, really helped me realize better what this Gospel truly is. Heavenly Father knows ultimately who we are and he sees all the potential in us we may not recognize in ourselves. The Gospel and the Atonement are here to help us become who we're meant to be. When we're living the Gospel and God's commandments, we are individual and unique, we're more who we really are, if that makes any sense.

So, when we live as God would have us live, He helps us become who we're meant to be, and who he wants us to be. That's my focus this year. I want to become more who God wants me to be and I want to fulfill my potential as much I as can right now at this point in my life. Sometimes that's hard, but I know it's possible. I know that He can change my heart and that with the help of the Atonement, I really can become whom I was always meant to be.