1.15.2008

hanging on

I don't know why, but going back to school this winter has been unbelievingly hard for me this year. I've been monstrously homesick ever since I got back and it has not been easy. Dad called me the other day and basically as soon as I answered, the tears started streaming and the pathetic sounding "I miss you," squeaked out into the phone. I've been just hanging by a thread since school started and I try and keep things under control, but then usually at night, I just let it all go. Yesterday I was actually doing okay--I shed a few momentary tears when I got back from work, but overall, I felt I was making progress toward emotional functionality; then I got an email from my brother, the subject line reading: 'I hope this doesn't make you cry as it is for me.' And the waterworks . . . I was way excited to get an email and so not surprised that it made me cry. Good grief. It's a weird emotion actually--I hate feeling so homesick and lonely, but at the same time, it feels good to cry sometimes. I am hoping however, that things will improve this week.

Something I was thinking about last night actually that really helped me feel better, was that I know my family is praying for me and that (thankfully) prayer works. Miles don't matter when it comes to prayer effectiveness. Even my 14-year-old brother is remembering me in his prayers (which naturally merited another wave of tears) and it's amazing to feel that strengthening power. So, here's to the beginning-ish of a new week and hopefully one that is less teary.

7 comments:

michelle said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're so homesick, Charlotte! Isn't it funny that, before you go to college, you're just ready, just itching to leave home -- and then you move away and you miss home more than you ever thought possible! (that's how it was for me anyway)

John is so sweet, what a tenderheart. Like you said, at least you know that prayer works. And here's another thing to be grateful for: you love your family so much (and they you) that you miss them like crazy! I use that thought to console myself when I'm missing Jessie.

April said...

I don't know if this helps, but you can always remember that you family really does NOT want you to be sad! (none of us here do!) College is a once in a life-time experience and your is half over! BYU has sooo many wonderful things to offer, stay busy! That is the only way I didn't miss those I loved. Be happy!!

I know it is hard, and I am sure coming from someone who is not currently going through "homesickness" it probably doesn't mean much. But as my dad started his cancer treatment last week, I got sad too. Just because I wanted to be there to help him go through this hard time.

The Lord really does put us in certian places, at certian times to do His work. Once that is your focus it sometimes becomes easier to be seperated from those you love most.

Diana said...

I am sorry you're feeling that way.
I agree with what Michelle says isn't it nice to love your family so much that you miss them... what a blessing.
I'll pray for you. You can come over whenever you want.

jt said...

i'm sorry Charlotte- i know JUST how you feel! Everyone is so far from me- I use the same thought as Shell, many times since like i said, everyone is far! first year at school was like that, and at times my 2nd. No one was more surprised than me.

jt said...

weird. your college experience is half-over??? I guess almost. Is that as weird to you as it is to me?

Denise said...

Hoping you're feeling the power of the Family Cheers!

Jill said...

Oh dear, this is a strange time for homesickness to hit isn't (2nd year 2nd semester) but these kind of things aren't logical. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue and missing them so much. It's no wonder since you've been blessed with such a sweet, sweet family. I hope the pain lessens soon.

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