11 things I learned in January

This post is inspired by Emily from Chatting at the Sky.

:: According to BuzzFeed quizzes I am the following: Mr. Potato Head, Ann Veal (her?), a Londoner, Albus Dumbledore, Jess (from New Girl), and--my favorite quiz result--a writer.

:: DisneyLand is actually for grown-ups.

:: The right things aren't always super easy or convenient. (I seem to relearn this one often.)

:: Safeway is the only grocery store chain in the Portland area that carries those gross, fake Valentine Pillsbury cookies that I secretly love.

:: A bowl of steel-cut oats is the best breakfast in all the land (next to birthday cake--obviously).

:: My husband doesn't like cake.

:: If I have to pick a team to win the Super Bowl, it has to be the Broncos. The Pacific Northwest can't take away my Rockies roots!

:: Stephen King is a much better writer than I'd ever given him credit for. (I'm currently in the middle of The Stand. To see what else I'm reading, check out my Goodreads profile.)

:: The response I received to this post affirmed its message that gracious dialogue is more effective than any cruel words.

:: Making this place a priority makes hard things in my life so much more manageable. It's so worth it to sacrifice a night of stretchy pants for a couple hours of real learning.

:: January and I may be ready to make peace.

One of my favorite Instagram posts from January:

What have you learned this month? Are you glad January is over?

blogging it out

This month has filled my brain with a million ideas of things to do, projects to tackle, habits to form. And I guess that should be no surprise--it is January. I guess the resolution train has never really enticed me before, but this year--for the first time in a very long time--I felt like I should make a list of resolutions. I want to make strides in my writing, work on home improvement projects, and become more skilled in my sewing.

My brain wants to tackle all of these things at once, and my heart knows that holding myself to such a high standard is impossible. So that all leaves me here, blogging it out while I wait for the iron to heat so I can press that fabric that I'm using for my first-ever quilt that I'm going to start piecing. Another project on my docket. Obviously.

How do you decide what to tackle and when? Because I'm afraid if I don't make a plan for some of these things, then I'll never do them. How do you manage your brain buzz? And how do you balance improvement and progress with just being and enjoying?

a chocolaty betrayal

I made my New Year's cake yesterday. I made Edith James cake (a devil's food recipe) and decided last minute to deviate from the prescribed frosting recipe. Turns out the frosting I used--while pretty--was far too rich for this already rich cake. So, lesson learned. Stick with the sweeter frosting.

Lest you think this post is just about frosting, let me confide to you the real betrayal: my husband confessed he doesn't like cake. I know that logically this is nothing personal, but it sure is taking all my cake-loving heart has to not take this uber-personally. In a fit of comical dramatics last night, I blurted out that had I known about this significant character flaw a long time ago, perhaps we wouldn't even be married today.

(I jest. Obviously. Mostly. But really, I love him. For the record.)

Oh the sad truth that I married a man who doesn't like cake, when cake is my most favorite treat to concoct. And what fun is it to make a cake just for yourself? (Unless it's that peanut-butter ganache delicacy that I compulsorily hoard.) Wo, wo, wo is I.

[End scene]

Dramatic much?

why I don't like sun in January

It just sounds absurd, doesn't it? To not like sun at any time of the year. But it's true. January sun is not my thing. It never has been. January is made for melancholy days, and melancholy days aren't always the worst. Cloudy skies give me permission to stay inside myself and ruminate and enjoy the most simple of pleasures. January is for recharging, drinking hot cocoa, reading books in the afternoons, and watching all those wonderful BBC shows. I muster enough motivation to do laundry, make simple dinners, and clean up in Asher's wake, but I don't expect much in the way of excessive productivity. I don't force creativity, but embrace it when inspired. I enjoy the blankets and early sundowns and chilled afternoon walks.

{via}

When the sun breaks through, I feel like I need to be adding more to my to-do lists, because don't we all know that we need to make hay while the sun shines? On sunny days I feel guilty for preferring the indoors and making cake that I will inevitably have for breakfast the next day. In January I allow myself quiet moods and try to let go of those things that aren't urgent. January sun is more of a bully to me than a friend, and I welcome those protective clouds that keep my world at bay from that bigger world.

Some--perhaps even most--of my readers welcome January sun as a happy teaser of what's to come in later months. But for me, I'm not ready for spring in January. I'm ready to hibernate, just for a few weeks. And when February comes around I'll be more open to that sun, because the sun will glisten instead of intrude. In January I prefer to seek out sun--and all the productivity and motivation and purpose that come along with it--on my own terms. And if I don't seek it, that's my business. Coming off the holiday high, by January I'm just not ready to be at 100-percent. And that's okay.

January, as much as I sometimes loath the month, is cyclical, and for the first time, I'm realizing that I like this seasonal cycle. I like having one month to dedicate to slowing down and steeping in my thoughts and plans and moods. So January, keep your clouds because they make me feel safe and validated. Sun, your turn will come soon enough.

the briefest of recaps

Well, if this isn't under the wire I don't know what is. It's just a good thing I live on the west coast so that when I post this I'll still have two hours till the new year.

{via}

2013. You were pretty good to us. We survived sleep training and several bouts of teething. We saw first steps, first words, first foods, five haircuts, and a ton a personality. 2013 is Asher's first full calendar year in our lives, and so that's been all sorts of wonderful. We bought our first home, and I've jotted down a list of improvement projects to tackle in 2014. Asher and I took three roundtrips to Denver, one to Utah, and the shortest of roadtrips to Seattle.

{Asher a year ago}

I read 20 books, thereby meeting my GoodReads goal. And if I can buckle down and finish rereading The Hunger Games tonight, that final number will be 21. I read three memoirs, and five other nonfiction books. A couple of my nonfiction reads were read out of necessity (like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child), and the others out of sheer interest. I reread only one book, and that was via audiobook. For 2014 I have a fair mix of fiction and nonfiction books on my docket. My favorite read of 2013 was probably Where'd You Go, Bernadette, and I was surprised to realize that I didn't read any deep, soulful book during the year. My reading goal for 2014 will likely stay the same: 20 books.

{via}

On this space, I documented the year I lived across the street from a rockstar, mine and Josh's love story, and that time I was kicked out of a restaurant. I examined what it means to be an introvert, the impact of sorrow on the heart, and why summer should be shorter. My biggest blogging feat of 2013 was Gracious Living: 31 Days of Refinement. I've received some of the kindest and genuine comments from friends and strangers alike, and I plan to keep this piece of the internet alive and well this year.

Well if I'm going to power through the last third of The Hunger Games, I'd better sign off stat. Happy new year, and tomorrow I hope you enjoy a leisurely day of movie marathons and stretchy pants. Heaven knows that my way to ring in the new year.

reliving some highlights

We flew back from Colorado yesterday, a journey which included running up and down the security terminal searching for a lost shoe and a mid-flight toddler temper tantrum. Our return to real life hasn't been much smoother--think thrashing fit in the Costco cart for the entire shopping trip. Goodness.

So I think right now I'd rather relive some of last week's highlights, as the end of December is not proving to be a positive harbinger for the January gloom.

:: Asher and Moosey the dog became fast friends, thanks in large part to Asher feeding Moose every chance he got. He quickly learned to scan the room to ensure secrecy before handing those crackers over to the dog.

:: Asher loves clementines. He ate at least five daily.

:: On Christmas Eve we all sang Christmas carols, and I loved it. Everyone was singing in parts, and it was easily my favorite moment of the evening. (Meanwhile, the baby Jesus was taken to a safe house while the rest of the manger scene sustained several casualties.)

:: We got to see and talk to John in Brazil. Best Christmas gift ever. Obviously.

:: Asher's flannel robe ended up having this samurai look to it, and it makes me giggle every time.

:: We played plenty of rounds of Bang! and the renegade even won a time or two. No matter what my role ends up being in this game, I always secretly root for the renegade.

:: Mom and I started watching Call the Midwife, per the recommendations of a few different friends. It was a little raw at first, but now we're both hooked.

:: My Christmas outfit made a second debut (the first being the Sunday before we left town)--silver houndstooth pencil skirt with pale mint silk charmuese blouse, both garments handmade. The shoes were the inspiration for it all, as well they should be.

:: Asher perfected his horse sound. And his camel sound. (A camel says pt!, in case you were wondering. Just ask the boy.)

:: When left to fiddle on the piano, Asher intuitively knows not only to turn the music pages but also to applaud himself.

Currently I'm having a bad time of the last-week-at-this-time game, and I'm pretty blue about it. I'm dealing with the melancholy by watching more Call the Midwife, reading through some new sewing books, and drinking lots of cocoa. I think I need to commission a private bullet train from Portland to Denver, and then this wouldn't even be a problem. Excuse me while I charm my engineer of a husband to take on this task. . . .

sayonara

I gave January a kick in the pants by taking a semi-spontaneous jaunt up to Seattle for a night this week. I have this friend whom I would easily describe as kindred spirit, even though we'd never met. She lives up in Seattle with her husband, Joe, and dog, Chewie, and I basically invited myself and my baby up for a short stay.

{Tulips at Pike Place}

Seattle is only a three-hour drive away, so Asher and I threw some things into a bag or two and headed away on Tuesday afternoon. Most of my short stay we just talked. And talked and talked and talked. Despite our delightful blogging friendship, I will admit to apprehension at actually meeting Ande in person. What if a real-life friendship didn't come as easily as our virtual one? My fears were thoroughly unfounded. Ande is as wonderful in reality as she is in her blog and blog comments, and our conversation flowed as easily as if we'd met years ago.

She was the most gracious of gracious hostesses. She made me tortellini soup and chocolate chip cookies for dinner, and steel-cut oats with pomegranate for breakfast. Late Wednesday morning we went to Pike Place where we wandered and ate donuts and chowder and croissants.

I couldn't have thought of a better way to say farewell to this month and to do so a little bit early. So, January, you lose in the end. I think those tulips prove it.

come in out of the cold

It's been a while since you stopped by for some cocoa, and it's been so cold outside, so how about you come in to warm up a bit? I bought some Penzey's cocoa this year, and you make it with milk. It's quite decadent.

First off, how was your Christmas? Mine was lovely, and at the same time I welcomed the normalcy when real life returned. What about your January? This month is unsolicitously interminable, and I have a hard time believing that there's still a week left in it.

I'd confess that I've started watching Grey's Anatomy for the first time. (Thank you, Netflix.)

If you asked how Asher's sleeping has been, I'd tell you that it's improved, especially his naps. The past four days, though, he's woken up around 6:00 (after waking up a 3:00) and won't go back to sleep. Goodness.

If Asher was napping when you arrived, you'd probably see me pause in whatever was happening and earnestly listen for him. I hear phantom Asher sounds all the time when he's sleeping. All the time.

How has that one thing been going? You know, that thing you're having a hard time with. We talked about it last time, and I've been thinking about you and want to know how you're doing with it.

What are your New Year's resolutions? Do you even make resolutions? I used to pick a word to focus on throughout the year. The past couple of years, though, I haven't picked one. Nothing felt right. I think I've settled on a word for 2013. I don't know if I'll blog about it.

I might confide that lately my shortcomings have been glaring, my faults taking center stage in my mind. It's emotional, battling perceived inadequacies.

The conversation might circle back to TV (let's face it, it's my preferred no-effort entertainment source). First I'd ask if you watch The Mindy Project. If you do we'd share favorite episodes and lines and divulge which doctor we'd prefer: Danny or Jeremy. If you don't, I'd badger you about it until you promise that you will. The Mindy Project is hilarious.

I'd pick your brain for good guy gifts. Josh's birthday is approaching, and he's such an enigmatic giftee that I hoard all my ideas while still having to dole out ideas to friends and family. It's a tough job, being the wife around a birthday.

I have one peanut butter bar left. If I really like you, we'll split it.

Any trips planned for 2013? I'm headed to Denver for a week in March for my mom's birthday. Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about it.

You have to go? That timing worked out. Asher and I need to run something to Josh at work. Don't worry about the dishes. I'll take care of them later. See you soon? Great.

relationship status: it's complicated

For a few days in December, I thought that I had reconciled myself with January.

But I haven't. Not really. Perhaps our relationship is better than it was five years ago, but it still needs lots of work. I tackled today with a lengthy to-do list, a list that included specifics like "load dishwasher," "run dishwasher," and "unload dishwasher" all on separate lines to inflate my sense of productivity.

I spent the majority of my day in sequin slippers and spent lots of time on the floor with Asher trying to get him to replicate his rolling over feat of the night previous.

Go easy on me, January. If our relationship is ever to move to an enjoyable place, you must allow me some quality Downton Abbey time in the middle of the afternoon. Thanks.

a day for chili

This week the weather has looked a lot like this.

I wish my little point-and-shoot camera could convey the heavy, steady fall of rain and the frequent swooshes of wind that have accompanied this wet and wintry week. This is the weather that begs for stretchy pants, hot chocolate, and a good book. So yesterday after walking in after work, I decided that homemade chili was the perfect meal for a wet and stormy night.

I found my favorite chili recipe this past fall in this magazine. It's seriously the best chili recipe I've ever encountered. It calls for real chili peppers that you process to make your own chili powder. Real chili peppers, people. This recipe is so legit. The chili powder smells enticingly exotic yet still carries that comfort food vibe. It's magical.

And then, if you can imagine that this chili can get any better, you use blade steak for the meat instead of ground beef. (Making this recipe is a bit of a financial investment depending on the steak you spring for, but trust me, it's a culinary splurge worth indulging in.) I would have taken some pictures of the final product except that by the time it was ready we were so hungry and so ready for some stretchy pants that I skipped the final picture all together. Just know that it was delicious and that the leftovers won't last through the weekend.

 

To top off the night, do you think that there would be a better dessert than Diet Delight? (Sugar-free Jello pudding with a few dollops of light Cool Whip mixed in, more Cool Whip on top, and mini chocolate chips--delightful.) No one knows how to do winter rain like the Wilsons, people.

PS I know I need to update my blog banner, because I do know that it's now 2012. Cut me a break, though. I'm still in stretchy pants.

a new year's cake

I have a hard time with the new year. Remember that feeling we had as kids the day after Christmas? The feeling that said that all the fun is over? That's how I feel about January. January is the month where the miles separating my family and me are more acute and palpable, the month that lends itself most to loneliness.

Wednesday I took down my Christmas decorations with some Gilmore Girls on in the background. The day was gray, and I was fighting against the this-time-last-week game (you know, the masochistic game that tells you that last week at this time you were having a ball and now you're not). Then I had an idea: bake a cake. Bake a cake for the new year.

So after I packed away the tree, ornaments, and wreath, I pulled out the eggs, milk, flour, and cake pans. With another episode of Gilmore Girls on the TV, I baked a cake that turned out wonderfully. I tried a new chocolate frosting recipe and displayed the cake in a pretty cake dome.

I loved offsetting something that makes me blue with something delicious, sweet, and mildly decadent. I call it a new year's cake, and even though it's something small, it made me feel a less little sad about this oh-so-hard month.

600th post: an unexciting one

{For my 600th post on this blog, I should think that I'd want to post something if not exciting, at least a little more interesting than this.}

When I left to go to work and the weather looked like this

it made me wonder why I even bothered to do my hair.

{Photo taken around 9:00 a.m., 01.26.2011. Just two hours previous, hair had decidedly more volume and had achieved the perfect curl. Alas.}

taking it easy

You may think that the last two weeks of December were all about taking it easy. And they were. I left work early, took work off, allowed housework to fall by the wayside, and indulged in Christmas gift–fawning (and this year may be one of my favorite gift -giving and -receiving years--but that's pretty much every year). I slept in, took naps, and mindlessly ate Reese's Minis. I watched movies, TV shows, and home videos. So wouldn't it be time for me to stop taking it easy?

But here's the thing. I'm giving myself permission to ease into real life again. Yes, I'm going to work full-time again and waking up early every day, but perhaps this time around I won't let the messy apartment get me irritable. I'll clean the bathroom, but it just doesn't have to be tonight. I'll do laundry, but maybe not all of it all at once.

{Note: This quiet refusal to take a decent self-portrait is not too uncommon. As one of the only pictures of the two of us I managed to get during the Christmas season, this less than ideal SP is what I have to work with.}

In addition to cooking and cleaning and bill paying, I'm going to make time for knitting, sewing, reading, and spending time with Josh. Just because I have to return to real life doesn't mean that I can't ease the transition a little with some of those things I so enjoyed doing on vacation.

31 Mondays

I had a friend once who described January perfectly: it's like a month of Mondays. Exactly. Perfectly articulated. It's Wednesday, January 13—the middle of the month—and it feels like a Monday. I look forward all day to going home and watching "Gilmore Girls" and wearing stretchy pants. During the day I'm productive and participate in my classes and do my reading—I'm not dysfunctional by any means. But I'm a little homesick, a little unmotivated, a little blue.

It feels like a Monday . . . every day.

But don't worry—Tuesday will come around eventually.

Hello 2009!

The welcome of a new year always enters with anticipation, excitement, waves of nostalgia, and a bit of post-holiday reluctance. I'm trying not to dread my return to reality, because I have to remember that I actually do love my life, both in Provo and in Denver. I just happen to love Denver more :)

Also, I hate January. Hate it. It is my all-time least favorite month. So I'm trying to alter my perspective this time around.

That's still a work in progress.

I'm also hoping that this January won't be as bad as last January--remember that emotional disaster?

I'm trying to focus my coping efforts this year around my new word, which I will post about later. :) I'm hoping it will help me have a better January than the last one.

I'm excited for the year itself, for the new people, new experiences, new TV episodes ;), but I just have the hardest time bouncing back from a completely responsibility-free vacation. I don't want this post to sound cynical and depressing, because I do have a beautiful life; it's just that jumping back into the cold and gray of January after the cozy and family-filled Christmas isn't too inviting on the outset. I'll get over it, but just not today. (It is only the first day of the year.)

I plan on writing a much more uplifting and encouraging post about the new year, because I'm really not such a grouch. I'm just blue that my time with my family is so short this time of year.

At least for the first three days of January I'm still at home. I still have two more days of avoiding reality. Still two days.

Hallelujah!

This isn't a very good SP, but I wanted to show my outfit, and would have felt like a dork asking my roommate to take a picture of me so I can post it on my blog. This SP is supposed to be conveying success--I don't know how well that came out. And it's blurry.

Hallelujah! Today's the last day of January! I am stoked that tomorrow is February, and in celebration of January ending, I decided to dress up, and be super productive today. I woke up early to get up to the HFAC so I could find a practice room for a bit to practice my violin (now that I'm taking lessons, I need to make time for actual practicing--my whole point of taking lessons was to get better, so I guess neglecting practicing would be a little stupid). Tonight for my dinner night, I'm making chicken with scallion lime sauce and sweet carrot rice, and I'm going to hardcore study for my grammar and physical science tests tomorrow. I'm going to write articles, and all this exciting planning productivity isn't even the best part of the day. Tonight, LOST starts up again, and so I'm going over to Diana's for a party!! Yay!!

So, there is another best part of my day that's happened since I wrote the beginning of this post. Instead of having class today, my British Lit professor met with each of us individually for 10 minutes to grade our paper. He graded it right then and there, which is new for me, and then we discussed it. I got an A-, which how well I thought I did, so I'm glad I'm on the same page with the professor! And then, my professor went on to say that he thinks I'm a really good writer, and that since I'm going into publishing, he can give me articles that other people send to him to edit, and I can get paid for it and practical experience! Plus, he said he'd like me to go over some stuff that he's writing because he said he values my editorial judgment! This is a total score in every way: it's a potential money maker, good editing experience, and it's a little ego boost (which we all need every once in a while!). He also told me how much he values what I have to say in class, and that he admires the honesty of my comments. I've always thought I talk too much in discussion classes, so at least the teacher likes what I say! This was a score of a 10 minute meeting.

See ya later January!!

hanging on

I don't know why, but going back to school this winter has been unbelievingly hard for me this year. I've been monstrously homesick ever since I got back and it has not been easy. Dad called me the other day and basically as soon as I answered, the tears started streaming and the pathetic sounding "I miss you," squeaked out into the phone. I've been just hanging by a thread since school started and I try and keep things under control, but then usually at night, I just let it all go. Yesterday I was actually doing okay--I shed a few momentary tears when I got back from work, but overall, I felt I was making progress toward emotional functionality; then I got an email from my brother, the subject line reading: 'I hope this doesn't make you cry as it is for me.' And the waterworks . . . I was way excited to get an email and so not surprised that it made me cry. Good grief. It's a weird emotion actually--I hate feeling so homesick and lonely, but at the same time, it feels good to cry sometimes. I am hoping however, that things will improve this week.

Something I was thinking about last night actually that really helped me feel better, was that I know my family is praying for me and that (thankfully) prayer works. Miles don't matter when it comes to prayer effectiveness. Even my 14-year-old brother is remembering me in his prayers (which naturally merited another wave of tears) and it's amazing to feel that strengthening power. So, here's to the beginning-ish of a new week and hopefully one that is less teary.