34ish weeks--a freak-out

I've been reading everything I can about birth, nursing, and babies, and I think I've reached the point where rather than informing me (which has been great), my reading is now freaking me out. I'm overwhelmed with the uncertainty of all this change in my immediate future, change that I know is coming but change that I don't really know.

Yes, I know that I'll be up in the middle of the night--probably all night sometimes--and I know that lots of days I'll feel like a zombie, but I don't really know how this will affect me emotionally or mentally. I don't know how I'll change.

My mind is flooded with questions: How long will it take me to find a routine? How will I know how to comfort and reach out to my babe? Will Josh and I ever have time for each other? And what about all that laundry? I hate laundry. And underlying everything, Will I be able to find balance, to find a way to be me in the metamorphosis of motherhood?

Babe has roughly six weeks before he debuts, and sometimes six weeks seems so far away and sometimes it feels so close that my heart starts palpitating and my mind blanks in panic. The bottom line is this: I've had months and months to prepare for this, and six weeks out I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing or what I'm going to be doing or how I'm going to do it.

Six weeks. Babe is coming whether or not I'm ready, and something tells me that I'll never be ready, so I might as well accept it now and trust that I'll figure out motherhood and me as I go.


Marianne said...

You are perfectly normal all of these feelings and judging from your photo, this baby is no small and minute detail any longer!

It will happen so naturally you will not even notice. The routine, I mean. It will feel so natural and nothing will be more important than feeding and bathing and holding and sleeping (sleep, yes!). You will be amazing!

Marianne said...

I left out a word!Normal IN...

paws said...

I know how you feel. It was a difficult transition for me, but I survived it, and you will too. I promise.

Serin said...

My first baby seems so long ago that I can't remember how scared I was. I have lots of advice, but I think the most important one is TRUST YOURSELF! Don't let your pedi, a book, the internet, or even the super experienced mom-of-four writing this comment ;) make you do something that doesn't feel right to you. :)

April said...

As soon as you find a routine, it will change.

Comforting and knowing your baby will be so instinctual, you will be amazed.

You have to make time for you and Josh. Send Babe to his Grandparents for a few hour each week. I know it's hard, just do it.

You will hate the laundry even more. Sometimes I say that having more kids is no big deal, it is amount of laundry that comes with them that is the back breaker.

Live close to the Lord; it is the only way to still be YOU in this great change. If you find yourself lost in the expanse of motherhood, some simple gospel basic is probably missing from your life too.

There is no way of knowing what life will be like going forward, but there are so many people to help along the way. I know you are going to be more fine than you can imagine.

(P.S. I hate leaving comments on your blog, because I know my spelling/grammer is awful. I feel like I should always apologize, be forgiving!)

m.estelle said...

OH MY GOSH. first of all, you look awesome. and second of all, i'm praying for you. and third of all...i can't wait until you figure all of this out when your boy comes...because then someday you can tell me!!


Denise said...

I love you and little Babe so much. Love conquers all!

michelle said...

You know, the transition to motherhood was pretty rough for me. It wasn't until max was six months old that I felt like I would someday have a life again. But it was all worth it!

Trust yourself, and ask for help when you need it.

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