the need for productivity

For the first few weeks of summer (as mentioned in my last post) I couldn't find a job and was frustrated with not feeling productive. I never realized how much I need to be productive until I wasn't anymore. I do love those vacations when you can kick back and relax, not having to worry about anything but after six weeks I was definitely in need of something to do. Also, I've been feeling the pressure to start earning money. The pressure wasn't really coming from anywhere except myself, but I really need to start saving and fast. All of this combined--the unproductivity, the lack of money, the need to do something--soon put me into a funk for a week or two. And then I realized what the problem actually was.

Not only had I started to get lackadaisical with my daily activities, I'd also started becoming lax on the things that really do make a difference like diligent prayer and scripture study. With a "duh" kind of moment I realized that the reason I was feeling unhappy was because I wasn't feeling the Spirit in my daily activities, regardless of what those activities were. I still said my prayers (although not always in the morning) but they weren't as heartfelt as they should be and I was only half-heartedly reading my scriptures and not even every day. Of course I wasn't feeling happy! So last week I recommitted and starting putting the spiritual stuff first rather than the temporal, more selfish needs.

That's one of things I love about the Gospel: as soon as you start doing the right thing again you can immediately feel the Spirit return. You don't have to earn it back besides just living the commandments and if you live the commandments with the right intentions then you'll feel the Spirit right away. Heavenly Father wants us to have that peace all the time and when we're living his Gospel, He won't withhold that from us as punishment. You still have to repent and that can be hard, but you won't be alone while doing it. I love it that Heavenly Father wants to bless us and will whenever our actions allow.

So I started feeling better about everything right away and actually a letter from one of my misisonary friend had a huge influence on my change of attitude. He wrote that if I'm pursuing a righteous goal, and keeping the goal of Heaven in the front then everything will work out for me. God cannot ignore the prayers of the righteous and so if I pray for a job to come through and for a way for me to make money, remembering that Heavenly Father has a plan and I don't always see the full picture, then things will work out. I don't know why I'm surprised when my prayers are so obviously answered; that day I get a call from one of the temp agencies about this job I'm working now through the end of the month that pays well and that isn't too far away. Bam there's an answer! As soon as I refocused my priorities everything fell into place.

This all brought to mind one of my favorite scriptures Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

"Search diligently, pray always and be believing,

and all things shall work together for your good,

if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant

wherewith ye have covenanted one with another."

Things working "together for your good" is different from things working out the way I want them to and that's an important distinction I sometimes forget. I love it that all is required of me is to live His commandments and after that, Heavenly Father takes care of it. With my agency I can make the correct decisions and fulfill my divine potential and achieve the destiny my Heavenly Father can see. I love it when I re-convert to the Gospel--it's an amazing feeling!