Today I feel heavy. I feel more adult, and I don't know if it's my favorite feeling right now. I'm weighed down by not anything earth-shattering, just a collection of small life things that sometimes add up, small things that will sometimes come to a head on a Monday morning.
The sun is shining, and the leaves are vibrant. I have a beautiful babe with whom I fall more in love every day and a loving husband whom I adore. So it baffles me when I feel this way, because I don't feel like I have a right to this ennui. But I do feel it, despite the many reasons not to.
I'll pull out of this; I always manage that somehow. But right here, right now I need to feel this melancholy, explore it without fueling it.
***
I wrote those words two days ago, and I felt every one of them. Then that afternoon my view shifted thanks to a visit from a friend, a phone call from my mom, a smile from my son. As my day progressed I felt Someone take each of my concerns and offer to carry them a while.
I let Him.
3 comments:
i feel you, woman! you go, mama. i'm praying for you.
Obviously I've never been pregnant, but I've studied pregnancy and postpartum a lot and this post screams one word to me... HORMONES! Your body is going CRAZY right now trying to understand what's going on with all those hormones - so don't feel bad about feeling sad, it's not your fault, blame the estrogen and progesterone! It's totally normal :-)
I can relate, absolutely. And it's true, the hormones coursing through your body are probably crazier now even than during pregnancy. Go easy on yourself and get help when you can.
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