catching the vision

Gracious living is on my mind almost all the time: am I a gracious mother today, a gracious wife, a gracious friend, a gracious sister and daughter? Am I gracious in my church responsibilities, in how I interact with others, especially those who need what I have to offer?

Lately, I've really caught the vision of gracious living: it's an all-encompassing way of life, a way that transforms your heart and person. Living graciously means a dying of self so that we can be remade through the Savior, our ultimate example of graciousness. And all of that giving and focus and sacrifice is really hard. So yes I've caught a portion of the greater vision of gracious living, and yet I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by it. And I feel that now I have a grasp on that greater picture that I have a greater responsibility to live it. Yet living that beautiful vision of gracious living is nigh impossible, for grace is perfect and I am most certainly not.

So I've been trying to find balance: The balance between catering to my introvert spirit and reaching beyond my comfort and energy when needed. The balance between doing all I can to help another and knowing when my offering is enough. The balance between living my best and not stretching beyond what I can do. The balance between doing what God asks of me and running faster than I have strength. The balance between trusting God and trusting myself.

I truly believe that I will be empowered and given unknown energy and strength and capacity when I reach beyond myself to fulfill heaven-sent responsibilities. But how do I know when I need to take that leap and when it's okay to say no and tend to my soul as I see fit? How do I know when I'm being wise or selfish? Those are the questions in my soul of late. And I don't have articulated answers yet. I've been searching and praying and seeking, hoping that my striving heart can find a surer place of understanding in that glorious vision of gracious living.

the mantle and the cake guts

When we moved into our new home last summer, I casually asked our friend Blair--who's extremely skilled in all things handy and building--if he wouldn't mind making us a mantle to go over our fireplace. We have this fireplace with brick reaching straight from the floor to the ceiling, and a mantle would just look so pretty. (Josh at first wanted to put our gargantuan television above the fireplace, an issue which caused some contention in our marriage for a time.)

So after we spent several months settling in, I reapproached Blair with my proposal. He said yes, and last month came over with this:

I am blown away by the craftsmanship and am absolutely giddy about how perfect this mantle is for our home. It's the kind of thing that I'll take down when we eventually sell this place so that buyers can't ask for it in the contract. It's the kind of thing that will have a place in our home forever.

When we asked what we owed him for supplies and labor, Blair very graciously stated that this was a housewarming gift. So. My brain started whirring for a way to express our gratitude: cake. Obviously.

Yesterday was Blair's birthday, and I thought, What better day to bake him his favorite cake than on his birthday? So I went to work during Asher's nap making a German chocolate cake. The smells coming from the oven were delicious, and then it was time to take the layers out of the pan.

And all three layers stuck and fell out in chunks. All of them. That chocolaty, moist cake came out in clumps and crumbs, and I was left facing a bowl of cake guts next to a bowl of signature German chocolate topping.

I didn't have time to make another and had to face the facts that instead of bringing over birthday cake for Blair that I would instead come bearing a bowl of crumbs. At least they were delicious crumbs.

So we picked up Tillamook ice cream on our way to their house, because cake guts are still pretty good when you involve ice cream. I'd like to claim a do-over another day, but Blair and his wife, Kate, were very gracious about the whole thing, because they're good people like that.

At the end of the day when I crash on the couch and look up at this space that's mine to personalize and beautify, I'm just grateful to have wonderful people in my life who are so kind to me and my family. This place here in Oregon is so good to us, even when I produce cake guts in place of a layered dessert.

a gracious holiday

Ever since my 31 Days of Gracious Living I haven't been able to shake graciousness from my mind. I think about gracious living often and pray for a gracious heart. Then on Monday we watched It's a Wonderful Life, and I was reminded of how gracious this season can really be.

{You can buy your own copy of It's a Wonderful Life here --it's a film worth owning}

Think of George Bailey. See how many lives his one life affected? See how his inadvertent graciousness blessed his life and the life of everyone he knew? See the effect of a gracious life, even when it's lived unintentionally? George never wanted to stick around Bedford Falls. He wanted to see the world and build things. But because the core of his heart was gracious, he stayed in Bedford Falls and built a beautiful life.

Then there's Mary, George's wife. One of the most touching parts of this story is when George leaves his house after blowing up at his family. George is scared and confused about the missing money, and he feels very alone. Mary was initially defensive and upset with George, but as soon as she realizes the state of his heart, she encourages her children to pray and takes action to find George the help he needs.

I wish we could watch what happened when Mary left the house to rally the town. What did her pleas sound like? What was her response when she saw how willing and eager the neighbors were to help George? What was Mary's journey that night? I wish I knew. What I do know after watching that film is that a gracious life is never wasted, a gracious heart is always needed. Christmas is a holiday primed for gracious living, and I hope we can all take a moment to soften our hearts and our calendars and make room for gracious living.

conclusion

Here we are. We made it. Gracious Living: 31 Days of Refinement is over. I won't pretend that I'm not a little relieved. I'm not used to this space of mine being so loaded with heavy posts. I prefer more variety with my regular posting. And I haven't ever posted every day in a single month. Ever.

This month has been one of stretching for me, and it been both good and difficult. Some days it felt like the universe conspired against me to upend all my real-life efforts at gracious living. I certainly wouldn't want you to think that because I chose to write about graciousness that I'm some kind of expert at it. That is far from the truth. I think about deep subjects, and sometimes maybe I think too much. But getting all that thinking into concrete words was good for my soul. And I hope it was good for yours.

I received so much kind and valuable feedback from you throughout this series: emails, texts, Facebook likes and comments, and blog comments from people I know and from people I don't know. It was humbling, and I'm glad the response to this experiment was so great. Maybe I'll do another 31 days next year. But then again, maybe I won't. Who knows?

Before I sign off for the weekend, I thought it would be fun to go through the month and let you all know what the most popular posts of this series were.

The Five Most Viewed Posts
:: Table manners matter
:: Notes from Emily Post
:: Happy birthday
:: 10 gracious characters in literature
:: Filled with compassion

My Favorite Posts
:: A napless day
:: For when you don't feel gracious
:: Throwing a party
:: What it means to have grit
:: Year three

I really love how some posts turned out. And I also wrote some posts that felt lackluster. But I made it. And so did you. Thanks for putting up with daily posts from me, posts that I hope weren't too didactic and preaching. I'll be back next week with lists, TV updates, and probably some pictures of my babe almost-toddler.

Happy weekending!

a reminder

Today is the second to last day of 31 days. Whoa. I won't lie--I'm exhausted by this. Not only is posting every day hard, but writing on one topic is a whole new ball game. My brain is begging for a good old list post.

Just as publishing blog posts every day is a wearing task, sometimes being gracious can be tiring too. It's about impossible to maintain the same level of graciousness every single day. So today, I'll keep it short and leave you with a reminder:

Do your best.

Sometimes we may underestimate our best, and sometimes we overestimate it. Our lives cycle through seasons when it's easy to be gracious and other seasons when it's hard. When gracious living is especially difficult, focus on the most essential aspects: kindness, apologies, please and thank you. When you're stretched to your limit, maybe throwing a dinner party isn't the best idea. Realize that gracious living can be adapted to all the seasons of our lives. Some days gracious living looks different from other days. And that's okay. 

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

the benefit of the doubt

I think our world has conditioned us against trusting others. Just look at television: all the time we're bombarded with storylines of unfaithful spouses, grisly murder, and embezzled funds. What has this mentality done to us as a whole? I think it's made us revert to mistrust first and faith second.

Gracious living is giving others the benefit of the doubt. How many times have we slipped up or miscommunicated, wanting in the end only for someone to not think we're the worst? Sure we meet people who are dishonest and sleazy; but what would happen if we issued an amount of trust before we judged? What would happen to our streets? To our schools? To our homes?

I certainly don't want to undermine the importance of informed and cautious judgment calls, but don't push out compassion for misgivings. In our homes, giving others the benefit of the doubt is most important. Yes, we get hurt by our loved ones most easily, but I really don't think that in most cases the hurt is intentional. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, place some genuine trust in your children. Because when people feel trusted, they rise. I really do believe that. 

Graciously giving those around us the benefit of the doubt espouses an attitude of optimism and may even help people see their own potential in a clearer light. We don't need to go around inviting strangers over for dinner, but we should live with more faith in others. Just imagine how wonderful the change could be.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can read the other posts here.

customer service

Several months ago, I was frustrated about some thing about Costco that I can't remember now. I honestly don't remember anything about the situation except that I spoke sharply to an employee and drove off. Not long after, I went back to apologize for my words, but he wasn't there. How silly it is that I don't even remember what I was mad about. But I do remember that I didn't treat this man very graciously. And I also remember that I didn't get a chance to apologize.

{via}

Customer service jobs are hard. Two years ago I worked in a bookstore, and the holiday season was madness. Long hours, long lines, sore feet, sore brain. Even with kind patrons, constant customer interaction is demanding (especially for us introverts). And then you throw crazy customers into the mix, and retail jobs are sometimes a nightmare.

Holiday shopping is about to begin. I know that Christmas shopping is crazy and expensive and overwhelming, but please don't make the mistake I did and say something that you'll regret. Because you might not get to say sorry. Employees work hard, and even when they're not very good employees, they deserve to be treated with kindness and patience.

Smile, and mean it. Wish them a merry Christmas. Say thank you. And smile again. It's not asking that much to be a gracious customer, and it makes a world of difference. Perhaps the holidays shouldn't be as hectic as they are. Maybe we could all do a little more to make the December calendar a little less. So take a moment and make the Target aisles and checkout lines a little more humane, and share your gracious heart with those overworked, underpaid employees who really are doing their best.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

living grace

This whole month the subject of grace has been percolating in my mind. I even had a friend ask me a couple of weeks ago what I thought about the relationship between grace and gracious. So here we are, the last Sunday of 31 days. And I think it's about time we talk about this.

Grace and gracious share the same linguistic root: Anglo-French, Latin root gracia or gratia. In this post, I'll be referring to grace as the gift of sanctification paid for by Jesus Christ. In my faith, grace is also called atonement and redemption. In the Bible Dictionary, a scripture study help, we learn that "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ." So with this understanding of grace, and with the understanding of gracious that we've gained from this series, what's the connection?

Just about everything.

{"Prince of Peace," by Liz Lemon Swindle. I have a copy of this hanging in Asher's room. It's one of my favorite portrayals of the Savior.}

Gracious living is living with grace, living with the power and mercy of the Savior in our lives. (I know some of my readers don't believe in Jesus Christ, and that's okay. Because I believe that not only is Christ real and literal, but also that He loves each of us, regardless of our belief system.) Gracious living is a lifestyle of the heart, a lifestyle that can't help but manifest itself outwardly in how we treat others and in how we treat ourselves. Living with grace is seeking change within the Savior so as to be more like Him in heart and deed.

This connection between grace and gracious is perhaps best explored on our own. Its meaning is so personal that it's best examined in our own quiet moments and reflections. The crux of it all is that grace is inexorably tied up in gracious living. Grace makes gracious living possible, and gracious living is the outward expression of grace. The more we cultivate a gracious heart, the closer we grow to Jesus Christ and the more we are changed to be as He is.

After this series concludes this week, above all things I want my readers to walk away with this understanding: Jesus Christ has the ultimate gracious heart. He is gracious to us always, and the more we seek to be gracious ourselves, the more light and peace we will experience in our lives through His grace. He is the point of everything, the reason for and source of gracious living.


We can't do any of it without Him.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

attending a party

With holiday season approaching, holiday parties are part of the package. If you're throwing a party, then you should know about being a gracious host. There's also such a thing as being a gracious guest. And it's important. As you attend parties, keep a few things in mind.

:: RSVP. Preferably soon.
:: Your job is to enjoy the party and make sure that the hostess knows it.
:: Remember to say please and thank you.
:: Arrive timely, and if you're going to be late, let the hostess know.
:: Do what you can to keep conversation flowing. Maybe this is just me, but when I throw a party, I worry that conversation will stagnate and that I'll be left trying to awkwardly force my guests to have fun. So when I have a guest or two who make a point of leading conversation and keeping things flowing, it eases my mind and allows me to focus on other aspects of hostessing.
:: Compliment the hostess. It means a lot.
:: Offer to help clean up. The hostess will likely decline, but offer anyway. At the very least take the initiative to clear your dishes and throw away your trash.

{via}

Sometimes you have a party thrown for you, and that involves different responsibilities.

:: Arrive early. No excuses.
:: Let the hostess do things for you. Part of being gracious is accepting the service of others, and when someone is throwing a party in your honor, it's important that you accept that.
:: Greet each guest personally. Remember, they came there for you.
:: Handle presents graciously. Acknowledge each gift and make sure the group knows whose gift you're opening. Even though it's hard to maintain appropriate excitement for each and every present, do it. Each guest wants to feel that their contribution is valued. Say thank you for every single present. Even if a guest says that there's a gift receipt, don't indicate that you'll use it. Show genuine gratitude for what you're given, even if you don't intend on keeping it.

And no matter who you are, when you leave, you make sure that you find the host/hostess and thank them for inviting you. And it wouldn't hurt to throw out some legit and gushing compliments either. Being a gracious guest engenders a certain kind of trust between you and the hostess; not only will you get invited to more parties, but the party throwers will be legitimately excited to invite you.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

on forgiveness and apology

"To err is human; to forgive, divine"--Alexander Pope

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse"--Benjamin Franklin

"Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way."--Gordon B. Hinckley

"The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine a world filled with individuals willing both to apologize and to accept an apology. Is there any problem that could not be solved among people who possessed the humility and largeness of soul to do either--or both--when needed?"--Gordon B. Hinckley

Gracious living depends on apologies and forgiveness. We're not perfect, and because of that our character relies on the words I'm sorry. Gracious people own up to their mistakes and refuse to shift blame. They forgive wholeheartedly and don't allow wrongs done against them hold them back. I don't want to imagine a world without apologies.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

a napless day

Yesterday Asher didn't nap. At all. We tried, and we tried hard, but naps were not in the cards for this family. Then after twelve straight hours of being awake, Asher pretty much imploded so hard that he was heaving for sobs and succumbed to crying hiccups in between. It may have been the saddest thing I've ever seen. So we rocked and sang lullabies and cuddled and snuggled and kissed. He calmed down and crashed asleep.

Gracious parenting is so critical and so encompassing. It involves innumerable small acts that somehow add up into something grand and lasting. The children in our lives are soft and impressionable, and gracious living impacts them deeply.

Gracious living requires so much from parents, and Josh and I are far from perfect at it. But we try, and sometimes we do a pretty great job. I have to believe that all those small things are adding up to something big for our sweet boy.

We wait and walk behind him as he insists on climbing up every single step every single time we go upstairs.

We let him steer us to the deadbolt on the front door, the key hooks by the garage entrance, and the window locks in the family room so that he can inspect them over and over.

We let him examine his yogurt with his fingers, even though it's messy.

When we have to say no, we hold him close while he cries.

We read Goodnight Gorilla over and over and over so he can roar like a lion.

We lift him up to touch the leaves and stop on the sidewalk to say hello to the puppies.

Gracious parenting is both taxing and instinctual. It demands patience and compassion. My mothering is far from expert, so I do my best to take each day as it comes, making small decisions to create a gracious home where Asher feels loved, accepted, and wanted. I want him to feel God's love through us, because His love is the most gracious of all.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

what confidence isn't

When I think of confidence I don't associate it with being gracious. Our culture has trained me to associate confidence with extroversion, pushiness, and self-promotion. But that's not confidence, that's just arrogance. Sometimes I meet someone like that and I perceive some rooted insecurities that makes them need to inflate their importance to others. Sometimes I meet someone like that and they really do think they're that great.

Here's the interesting part: confidence is essential to gracious living. I'm not talking about that superficial brand of confidence; I mean real, self-assured, at-peace-with-yourself confidence. Real confidence happens when you're okay with who you are, when you don't need to impress anyone, when you know what you believe and you stick to it. You're okay with yourself even when you may be the only one who is.

Gracious living depends on confidence, because otherwise we all would be too easily swayed. Gracious living isn't always the most popular way to live, and if you're not sure of your gracious decisions, you could be persuaded out of them. So root yourself, embrace your choices and make them a part of yourself. If you don't, your carefully crafted gracious heart could slip right out of your fingers.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

year three

Josh's favorite joke goes something like this:

Some person: So, how long have you been married?

Josh: X years, but it feels like forever!

He's been telling that joke since we got back from our honeymoon, and to this day it's one of his favorites to pull out in a crowd. It makes me laugh and shake my head every time. (He's learned not to make that joke when I'm not around, because he's noticed that it makes people very uncomfortable when they can't see that I'm in on the gag.)

{On the wedding day, three years ago}

Year three has been wonderful and hard and emotional and loving. Having a babe in the family can really throw your relationship for a loop. We're sleep deprived and sensitive and don't always have the same opinion (gasp!). Sometimes it feels like the stars are aligning to incite discord. And then there are those moments of love and tenderness with my boys that outshine any differences. Our babe deepens my capacity to love my husband, and it's miraculous. Being a parent with Josh is the best endeavor.

{At lunch today with my boys. Clearly Asher was stoked about this.}

Marriage is primed for gracious living, probably because it's so damn hard sometimes. Apologies are just as sacred and important as the I-love-yous, and more often than not being right isn't what matters. Sometimes being gracious is the hardest with those we love most; and it's those most important relationships that depend on gracious living to thrive.

I can confidently say that Josh and I are happy. So, so happy. We're not perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We teach each other and we work together. We have a son who brings us both indescribable joy. There's no one I'd rather be with. Josh is, without a doubt, the love of my life. He makes my attempts at gracious living worth it. Three years ago today we each said yes, and I'll say it over and over and over for forever.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

weighing in

Mondays are my weigh-in days. I know that weight and body image are sensitive issues, so I'll tell you part of my story to ease the discomfort a bit. When I was pregnant I gained 30 pounds. After Asher was born I lost 20 of those pounds in a few weeks. Then, over the months, the pounds started creeping back little by little, until I was closer to my maximum pregnancy weight than I was to my pre-pregnancy weight. I was very discouraged.

I didn't feel very good about myself. (When I felt that I way I'd mix up a batch of chocolate chip cookies to make myself feel better. Obviously.) It was hard to exercise, because our downstairs neighbors were really, really sensitive to normal living noise, and I doubted that hitting it hard with Jillian Michaels would do much to improve the situation. So I lived with my discontent for a while.

Then Asher stopped nursing. Now no one was tied to any part of my body for anything. We'd moved into a new home. I figured that it was time to do something about that persistent baby flub. So before I go forward with my story, I want to address what it means to be gracious to yourself and to your body.

{via}

Our bodies are miracles--actual miracles. To think about all the biological, cellular, mechanical, and chemical processes that take place in our bodies every single moment is amazing. Our bodies are amazing. And I take issue with people and media outlets that purport some twisted form of the body as the only definition of beautiful. I hate it that Hollywood thinks that a woman should be back in a size two by the time her babe has left the hospital. I love Kate Middleton for owning her post-baby body, and I hate that it sparked debate in the first place.

With that said, I also think it's important that you take care of your body and do your best to keep it healthy. It's also important to feel good about your body. Our bodies are gifts from God, and someday we'll be reunited with them forever. As we develop a healthy relationship with our bodies, we need to be gracious to them. Don't deprive your body of nutrition because you want to be skinny, and don't overload your body with junk because you are lonely or scared or stressed. Find a healthy balance and embrace it.

Take care of your body. Usually that means moderating what you put into it, and also managing some kind of exercise. Sometimes, though, it means that cookies for dinner isn't the worst thing in the world. Embrace your body and come to know it. Care for your body in the best way possible, and remember how wonderful it is that we all look different. Don't buy into the lies you hear about what you're supposed to look like. Make your health a relationship with your mind, your body, and God.

So, back to my post-nursing body: I decided to sign up for Weight Watchers, and I'll sometimes get into an exercise groove. So far I've lost over 10 pounds, and I'm feeling great about it. This weight loss hasn't been immediate. It's taken dedication and time and acceptance. I'm learning that being gracious to your body is essential and that you can want to lose weight and still be gracious about it. When it comes to graciously living with your body, you need to learn to love it, to accept it, and to care for it.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

when music filled my soul

Today at church a young woman sung a beautiful arrangement of one of my favorite hymns. It was actually the exact arrangement that I played when I was a teenager. I remember practicing this accompaniment over and over, with no one but myself to sing the words. I remember feeling the powerful presence of the Holy Ghost as I played, played notes that penetrated me and filled me full.

He lives! All glory to His name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

As the accompanist played the arrangement, I was brought back to moments in my life when I solidified my own knowledge of Jesus Christ as my Savior. Tears welled as I recalled those sacred impressions, and even now I shiver in joy when I hear certain measures from that music. I've said it before in this series, and I'll say it over and over and over, because this is the crux of everything: God is gracious. He loves us. Always.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

a day at the pumpkin patch

Today was a gracious day. I'm not really sure what that means exactly, but I know how it feels. And it feels lovely.

Pumpkins, hot cider, corn dogs, PB&Js, live music, hayrides. Autumn, you are easily the most gracious season of them all. You entirely delight me.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

let's talk about that ego

If you keep in tune with the blogging world (and sometimes I can hardly believe that that's actually a thing now), you might know about an interview Martha Stewart did this week. Here's what she said: 

Who are these bloggers? They're not trained editors at Vogue magazine. I mean there are bloggers writing recipes that aren't tested, that aren't necessarily very good, or are copies of everything that really good editors have created and done. So bloggers create a kind of popularity, but they are not the experts. And we have to understand that.

Huh. I have several thoughts about this statement (as do so. many. bloggers. obviously). What really stuck out to me about this, however, is not the content but the character. Martha Stewart is not gracious. Sure, she's talented in a superhuman crafty kind of way, but gracious? Nope.

Gracious people give credit where credit is due. They know that being good at something doesn't mean that someone else can't be good at that same something. Gracious living can't expend energy on selfishly building egos. Gracious people don't want to waste their time on that. So they don't. Gracious living is doling out praise where it's deserved, even if it's not to an "expert." We should be eager to uplift others and give deserved compliments. Isn't it wonderful that this world is full of talented people? We should be celebrating that instead of discrediting the non-Marthas. 

PS Did you know that there is a made-for-TV biopic about Martha Stewart that was produced during her time in prison? Every single time I think of Martha, I think of this clip.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

throwing a party

I have a confession: party planning kind of scares me. I inevitably think, What if no one comes? and then my party shame would be unbearable. Also, my introvert self prefers to shy away from overt limelight, and as the party hostess, you can't chill out in a corner if you're not in the mood to be delightful and charismatic. For those occasions when I do plan parties, however, I've taken a few notes from other hostesses in my life who are especially gracious party throwers.

{no Pinterest link}

The crucial rule of hosting anything--be it a run-of-the-mill Sunday night dinner or a lavish holiday party--is that your ultimate job is to make your guests feel comfortable. I remember one particular shining example of gracious hostessing.

I was a teenager, probably 14 or 15. I think it was a holiday dinner, and we had a couple branches of extended family over. One of my aunts was there with her live-in boyfriend, who is inherently surly. Sometime during the evening we all knelt down in the living room to have a family prayer. Prayer is something that has always been very important in my family culture, and family prayers, especially with out-of-town family, are always special. 

During this prayer, my aunt's boyfriend not-so-quietly muttered something rude and expletive. The prayer concluded, and my mother, who was the hostess, didn't draw any extra attention to what had just happened. She invited everyone into the dining room for dessert and was smiling and welcoming, even though something she greatly values had just been abused.

That is what gracious hosting is all about. Despite this man's blatant disrespect under our own roof, my mother didn't throw him out, didn't yell or get upset. She decided rather to live graciously and do her best to make her guest feel welcome.

{no Pinterest link, but it says Martha Stewart}

When you throw a party, gracious living will help you navigate sticky situations. Gracious hostessing will guide you in how to handle tardy guests at a dinner party, poor manners with presents, and that one guest who feels uncomfortable because she showed up under-dressed. Gracious hostessing pushes you to see your guests as more than just a name on an RSVP list. When you throw parties with a gracious heart, you care more about how your guests feel than about the decorations or the food spread. Certainly those planning details are important and fun, but they're not as important as how your guests feel when they leave the balloons and pompoms and cake balls.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

{Maya Angelou}

People will likely even forget the centerpiece you worked on for hours. But guests who feel welcomed, loved, and wanted? They'll never forget you for that.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

halfway there

First off, we've made it to Wednesday. Even as a stay-at-home mom, for me Wednesday means the other side of the hump. Also, I'm halfway through Gracious Living. Part of me can hardly believe it, and the other part of me is tired. Writing every day is hard. Some posts I've planned a few days in advance, and others I whip up at 10:30 at night. It's been an interesting experience for me, and I'm grateful to you for coming along for the ride.

For today I'll leave you with a four-minute video about a couple who live graciously in a beautiful way.



As Josh and I approach our wedding anniversary next week, I watch this and want to embrace such wholehearted gracious living. Marriage is perhaps the most important relationship that requires our gracious hearts, and the rewards are breathtaking.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.

what it means to have grit

Last week we took Josh's car in to the mechanic where we got a nasty diagnosis: clutch replacement. Do you know what a clutch replacement costs? Like, a full, complete clutch overhaul? $1400. That's four figures. And unlike the giant crunch in the back bumper, we kind of had to fix this. I mean, it's the clutch. You can't really drive the car if the clutch doesn't work. So the car spent the week in the shop, and we concluded the week by shelling out many monies.

So here's what I learned about bad news and expensive car repairs: Gracious living can also include graciously accepting what's dealt to you. Sometimes gracious living means biting the bullet and shelling out cash for something that turns out to be more important than another. 

I learned something else. When you live life with a gracious heart, you develop some grit. Literally grit is tiny pieces of dirt. But think about it: minuscule pieces of sand or dirt can actually refine and smooth out rough surfaces. How many times have you used a sea-salt scrub on your hands to exfoliate, or used sandpaper to smooth out a piece of wood? Really, grit is refining. Grit, in a roundabout way, is gracious.

I looked up grit in the dictionary to see what MW had to say its colloquial meaning, and what I found was insightful: "firmness of mind or spirit; unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger."  Grit doesn't mean an unfeeling exterior, it means finding refinement within our challenges. Gracious living doesn't make you weak--it gives you grit, and in my book, grit is pretty awesome.

So next time you grudgingly take your car into the mechanic, don't feel so upset. Remember that when you have grit, you also have refinement.

This post is part of a 31-day series on gracious living. You can find the other posts here.