other valentines

This week I've been crushing on other things in addition to my man and babe.

:: sequin shirts
:: Brooklyn Nine-Nine
:: hot cocoa (obviously)
:: overcast days
:: the Test Kitchen
:: sugar cookies
:: chocolate sugar cookies
:: toddler hugs
:: Neil Caffrey
:: my Bose Mini Soundlink
:: pink everything
:: chevron blankets
:: sequin slippers
:: my polka-dot Zinnia skirt
:: back episodes of Books on the Nightstand
:: audiobooks
:: regular books
:: stretchy pants

What are you crushing on this Valentine's Day, romantic or otherwise?

why we work

I'm linking up this post to Bonnie's blog!

{2013 family photos, Laughing Stars Photography}

I was listening to the This American Life episode this week, and they were replaying various Valentiney segments from years past. This one particular story is one the show has played for the past two years (sidenote: TAL, come up with something new for 2015, yeah?). The reporter interviewed a guy who had taken a rumspringa with his long-time girlfriend. The girl didn't want to get married until they had slept with other people, and so they took a month-long break and hooked up with as many people as they could. Frankly, I think that whole idea is awful. Unsurprisingly, the couple broke up.

In follow-up questions, the guy said that if he ever does get married, he wants reevaluate the relationship every seven years and then recommit if he wants. He thinks that the seven-year plan will make it so he can re-choose his marriage. That idea is also awful. Because here's the thing: if you want love, you choose it every single day.

{Engagement photo, Laughing Stars Photography}

Josh and I work because we choose to work. We work because we work to work. We work because we don't want an out--we work because we are eternally committed.

We work because he takes out the trash and I make his lunch.

We work because we both say sorry.

We work because I rock Asher in the night and Josh lets me sleep in on Saturdays.

We work because we cuddle in the mornings and kiss before bed.

We work because we know how important this marriage is. We work because we promised God--and each other--that we would.

{Wedding day, Michelle Olivier}

Every day Josh and I choose God, and we choose our marriage and our family. Love--real love--is hard won. When love is easy it's really, really fun, and we may be tempted to think that fun love is the important kind. But love is most important--and most soul-saving--when it's really, really hard. What good is love if it can't weather storms? What good is love if it can't power us through our ugliest moments? Josh and I work because our efforts are continual, because we choose to try again and again and again. We don't work because it's easy or because it's always fun--we work because we love. 

*This post is in no way passing judgment on people who are divorced or otherwise single. Relationships take two people to work, and sometimes relationships need to end for our good. It's no one's job to pass judgment on a couple's decision to break up or divorce. All working relationships--romantic and otherwise--require the decision to love.

crushing and linking

I was going to talk about celebrity crushes today and how my celebrity is gorgeous and gay, so even in an alternate reality, this crush wouldn't amount to much of anything besides turning into a rom-com parody about that girl who's in love with her best friend but that friend happens to be gay. In a movie with Matt Bomer playing himself, I'd be the beard.

So I was going to write this witty post all about celebrity crushes, and how my celebrity girl crush is JLaw and Josh's boy crush is Ewan McGregor. But really there isn't much of a post there beyond adding some pretty photos. (And really, who doesn't have a crush on JLaw?)

Today I'll leave you with some lovey links to past Valentine's posts, because my brain is currently sputtering on fumes.

You can read about what Valentine's Day looked like for me last year.

And you can read a series of posts about mine and Josh's love story. Sometimes I'm still amazed that the two of us actually worked out.

Check out this post including Harry Potter Valentines, the best of all the Valentines, obviously.

This is a very short post from 2012 about imperfect love.

And this post is where I detail my rejoicing at deciphering Josh's love language, because let me tell you, I'm a love languages believer.

Of all those links, I'd most recommend the love story one. Of all the love stories out there, I've got to say that mine and Josh's is my favorite one.

the second time I fell in love with him

I let his calls go to voicemail twice. I answered the third time. I wasn't angry or even nervous. I was certainly curious. What could Josh have to say to me now, a year and a half since we'd broken up? In spite of all the empirical evidence against Josh, I agreed to see him. Frankly, I had nothing to lose.

{Christmas break 2009, three months after he called}

(For a while I wondered why I'd had that other serious relationship during my Josh hiatus. Why go through something so intense if it was never meant to be? Now I'm positive that that disappointing and frustrating relationship set me up perfectly to let Josh back into my life. Josh's phone call on that exact day wasn't luck or coincidence--it was Providence.)

After some pep talks from my mom, sister, and good friend Laura, I was ready to spend real time with Josh--no commitment, no promises, just time. We talked, and we talked about real things and real emotions. If you read Josh's post about the baby, you'll know that while Josh certainly has feelings, he has an incredibly hard time talking about them. But he voiced his feelings about me and invited me into his life in a way he never had before.

Over the next days and weeks I noticed changes in how I felt about myself. When I was with Josh I felt wanted and loved, a stark contrast to what remained from my previous relationship. The more I saw him the more I wanted to see him. After a month and a half of me holding back and him ardently persisting, I said yes. Let's try this one more time.

It wasn't long before I fell in love with him again, but don't mistake this love for the first love. I needed to fall out of love with Josh before I could fall again. My first love was something that I let happen to me; I surrendered parts of myself that needed to be there. This time, my love was a choice. This was a love matured and refined, felt and chosen. My love the second time had no ties to the love from before. Our first love hadn't been sustainable; our second one was--is--deep, enduring, beautiful.

{At my grandmother's funeral, 2010, three weeks before he proposed}

I choose you, my heart said to his. I choose to love you and to have you love me. I choose you every moment. You're my choice forever.

a small interjection from Mr. Wilson . . .

This couple's "how we met" story is about to reach its conclusion. Our heroine will find resolution, and the hero will find redemption. Let me set the stage for Act III:

I was casually involved with a girl down the hall, and on this particular day she and I were looking through some of my photos on Facebook. We came to a photo of Charlotte and me and I thought to myself, I would really like to see her again. I kept this sentiment to myself, and politely excused myself to make a quick phone call outside. I believe this is where our story picks up.

Any one of several thoughts may be going through your mind right now. "What does casually involved mean?!", "Was he picking up on two girls at the same time?!" or simply "What a tool!"

Your indignation is justified, and I am not proud of what you have just learned. But I think that it is the flawed characters of literature that are the most interesting, don't you?

when I fell out of love with him

It was hard for me to move on. Every day on my way to campus I'd pass his apartment complex, wondering whether I'd see him and what I'd say or do if I did. We had several run-ins that school year, some accidental and some not. Every time I pretended that I'd gotten over it, but I hadn't. I tried and tried not to think about him; my heartbreak was active and ever-present.

My moment of absolution came in the grocery store one day in February. I saw Josh in the cereal aisle, and when he turned on the charm I wasn't swayed. What followed could only be described as something straight out of a Meg Ryan movie. I left empowered and free. In the months after our grocery store encounter I pieced myself back together and emerged whole and healed. That summer I fell in love with someone else.

***

That interim relationship could easily win its own narrative, but I'll truncate it. It started out simple and turned complicated. After a few months it started crumbling, but I dived into denial and told myself it would work. But it wasn't working. I was unhappy. I didn't feel valued or loved or important by the person I was with.

That's when my phone rang, when my phone displayed "Josh Wilson" for the first time in nine months.

the first time I fell in love with him

First off, thank you for all your kind comments on my post the other day. They were truly thoughtful and kind, and it's so relieving to know that I'm not alone in sometimes feeling out of my element as a mother.

This month marks five years since I first met Josh. I remember it so clearly. Katelyn and I were at a friend's dessert party (can you say BYU party?), a party that, frankly, I didn't really feel up for. But Katelyn convinced me to attend. The first time I saw Josh he was heading up a back massage train. (Yes, a back massage train.) We clicked immediately, and even though it took him three weeks to call me, he did, and the next month and a half was a blur of heart palpitations, infatuation, and incredible kissing.

{March 2008}

I was smitten. Oh so wonderfully smitten. This is it, I thought. He's it for me. I had never felt more compatible or alive with anyone. I went to a place where I relinquished myself to infatuation and unbridled giddiness. My mind and emotions were going faster than the rest of me could, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. I never told Josh that I loved him, but I felt it. This fledgling, immature love was very real and, looking back, also very unstable and insecure.

Then Josh broke up with me at the end of the semester. I was crushed, devastated, throwing-up-in-the-bathroom heartbroken. The break wasn't clean, though, and I clung desperately to the hope that in the fall we would pick up right where we left off.

The next time I saw him, when classes picked back up in September, he was hand-in-hand with another girl. My heart broke all over again.

(im)perfect love

There's nothing like marriage to remind you that 1) you're not perfect and 2) your spouse certainly isn't perfect either.

{engagement photo by these lovely ladies}

Something, however, that I realize more and more in my life with Josh is that we're perfect for each other, even in the most imperfect ways.

Happy Valentine's Day, love.

gearing up for Valentine's Day

In the midst of winter gloom and post-January rebound, who can't love a day of hearts, pink, and love?

Yesterday I made a heart cake for dessert, and I must say that I'm quite pleased with the product. The layers rose high and evenly, and the crumb was moist yet delicate. Perfect. (I think my cake-baking may have taken a positive turn?)

I've been enjoying Valentine's Day TV episodes and browsing the card aisle at Target. I've made a Valentine wreath and garland for the apartment. I wore pink to church yesterday and pulled out my Silhouette to create some Valentine vinyl magic.

I've especially enjoyed reading all about C. Jane's Five Loves; she's posting the fourth one today and I'm thinking the fifth one tomorrow.

And today I'll leave you with perhaps my favorite Valentine find:

{all images found here and here}

What are you doing to get ready for Valentine's Day? And also, I'm hoping that the Harry Potter Valentines made your day--they certainly did mine.

PS I actually did do 12on12 this month and will be posting my grid this week!

some things I love about my valentine

{Photo taken on three-month-iversary celebration at Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe}

:: he always knows the right thing to say to me when I'm upset
:: he tells me often how much he loves me (I'm a words-of-affirmation girl)
:: he takes me to the bus stop every morning and picks me up every evening
:: he vacuums our 770-square-foot apartment and does the dishes and folds underwear
:: he encourages me to do things I enjoy, like sewing, knitting, and talking to my mom
:: he makes the bed just because he knows it matters to me
:: he's always excited to see me when I get home from work
:: he likes to cuddle
:: we like the same TV shows
:: he gives killer back rubs
:: he makes me laugh all the time
:: I get to be his valentine forever

my valentine

I'm crazy about you, love.

Love and Kisses

So, today is Valentine's Day and I love Valentine's Day! It's a day that is placed right in the middle of a not-so-stellar time of year, and it alleviates much of the gloom induced by January. There are hearts everywhere and pink and red and flowers, and good love music. I know people who hate the pressure of Valentine's Day, but I just see it as a chance to have some fun and let those you love know you love them. I also know a few people who don't like Valentine's Day because they're not dating anyone or married or whatever, and all I have to say to that is, "Since when is Valentine's Day only about love in your romantic relationships?" I'm not in a relationship, but in no way does that prevent me from expressing love to my parents, my siblings, my roommates, and my friends. I just don't see the big deal--have fun with Valentine's Day! So, here's what I'm going to do with Valentine's Day on my blog this year:

L is for laughing

• I love to laugh with my family.
• I love to laugh with Katelyn about the awkward moments we experience throughout out days.
• I love to laugh when I watch The Office.
• I love to laugh with Brooke about the vast amounts of nothing surrounding our jobs at the Physics Department.
• I love to laugh out loud when I read books.
• I love to laugh at witty song lyrics.
• I love to laugh so hard my stomach hurts.
• I love to laugh at stupid things.
• I love to laugh when my brother John laughs.
• I love to laugh when not-so-good things happen because then it helps me see things in perspective.

O is for outside

• I love going outside when there's just a slight breeze.
• I love going outside when it smells like summer.
• I love going outside in the rain with an umbrella.
• I love going outside in the mountains.
• I love eating dinner outside during the summer.
• I love taking walks outside.
• I love how I feel when I successfully step outside my comfort, thus expanding my comfort zone.
• I love the air outside when it snows.
• I love looking outside when I'm cozy inside.
• I love looking pretty on the outside, because it helps me feel better on the inside.

V is for vivre

• I love living with purpose.
• I love living in happiness.
• I love living with friends.
• I love living in close contact with my family.
• I love living in a place where I can learn.
• I love living in the Gospel.
• I love living close to a Target.
• I love living in an age where I can blog and connect with people all over the country.
• I love living in the latter days.
• I love living in opportunity.

E is for energy

• I love having energy to have a life outside of school.
• I love having energy to dance.
• I love having energy to learn.
• I love having energy to support others, especially when their needs are greater than mine.
• I love having energy to run.
• I love having energy to persevere through writing tedious articles.
• I love having energy to think of silly ways to make my friends and family laugh.
• I love having energy to practice my violin.
• I love having energy to shop :)
• I love having energy to love to my life!
  

the ultimate care package

So, had I received a package with this hilarious, yet creepy image a couple of weeks ago, it would have made me laugh and then cry for homesickness, but thankfully, now that the pangs of homesickness have subsided for the most part, this package just made me laugh. Inside was a most amazing Valentine's Day care package. Here is what I found inside:



A large assortment of goodies, including Reese's peanut butter hearts, homemade divinity, and a giant banana chocolate chip bar heart. Also included was a $10 McDonald's gift card from Jacquelyn to use for soft serve ice cream runs, two way cute heart dishtowels, and a super, super cute heart shaped plate with red polka dots.


Mom sent the cutest dress that I will wear tomorrow with a 3/4 sleeved shirt underneath, and leggings. My Shade shirt I bought a couple weeks ago was also included in the package.

Razor blades and tampons were also included--I hate spending my limited funds on boring things like that, so it's great when someone else buys them for me!

Super cute Valentine candy candles--I'll probably keep them for display for a while :)


Grandma included her cute red purse I've always liked. As she told me today, "Charlotte, I just have too many purses. It's embarrassing."


Tucked in with the other goodies was this amazing ad for these amazing pants . . . well, they're not really that amazing. Mom even filled in the order form for me; apparently I'm signed up for 3 pairs of lilac pants, 2 pairs of lime pants, and an assortment of other attractive colors . . . thanks Mom. ;)And this is the best part: Scarecrow. He was a Happy Meal toy from many moons ago and we all wondered what in the world this was doing in a children's meal, because it's just so incredibly frightening. Its arms and legs move, its head can turn all the way around, and its eyes close. We hide it around the house for others to find. He managed to sneak his way into the Reese's bag, with some help from my mother.

So, pretty much this was the best package ever. I was visited with laughter, cuteness, clothes, and a small degree of Scarecrow horror. What could top that?