My life—the big-picture stuff—has all been planned up until this point, the point of my collegiate exit. I have only a couple of more months before I live out the rest of that life plan, and after that, everything seems uncertain. I've been able to postpone quasi-adulthood with my summer New Era internship, but after that, I don't know how I can avoid "real life." But really, isn't "real life" such a flawed term, anyway? Because the life I lead right here and right now is my real life, regardless of how "adult" or otherwise it is at any given moment.
So in living my real life, I'm facing an aspect of living I've never had to encounter before. I've always been able to steer clear of a long-term 9-to-5 job, car insurance, and a mortgage. Even the rent I've paid for my college apartments has been subsidized by living with three other girls. The real life I'm living is facing impending and unfamiliar change; I don't think I've ever experienced a change as significant as the one I'll experience in my transition from college student to quasi-adult. I feel like every decision I'm making right now has life-altering ramifications.
Sometimes when the world seems so overwhelmingly vast and I seem so unbelievingly small, I want to rail to the universe and cry, "Just give me a plan!!" That's all I need. Except that I'm wrong. I rarely know what I really need; because when I think I know what I need I get something else that makes sense only later.
In those moments when I doubt and question myself and my place and role in the world, at least I can fall back on the knowledge that I'm a daughter of God, who is a divine and exalted being, and it's my destiny to become like Him. In those moments when I second-guess my potential and underestimate my abilities and worth, at least I can know that I have a Heavenly Father who knows my true potential and worth better than I do, a Father who will never lose faith or hope or confidence in me because I'm His child. He believes in me because that's who He is.
And in those inevitable moments of blank uncertainty, once I feel the comfort of a loving Heavenly Father, then I can take a step back and go on listening to HP on my iPod.
7 comments:
If it makes you feel better, know that "real world rent" is much cheaper than Provo (unless of course you move to NY or San Francisco). My first apartment post-graduation in SLC only cost $450/month (without any roommates). True it was a little ghetto and had no A/C, but hey... It was definitely in the budget. Best wishes with all the big choices. So do you get to live in SLC this summer? If so, check out the Avenues. Beautiful places to live. A walk away from downtown. The Institute building at the U of U has a "roommate board". I looooved living in SLC. Cheers!
I know how you feel! The world of insurance and other "adult" things seems so foreign to me. Fortunately, I find that as I just do things, I get more comfortable with it and feel better. We will make it! And until then, HP and Gilmore Girls will help us through!
How I wish I had had a blog when I was your age! I just think it's therapeutic to put these thoughts down in writing.
You are at a major crossroads for sure, what Grandma would no doubt call a milestone. Those can be challenging, as it's hard to live with uncertainty.
I'm just happy that you are grounded and know what's truly important. The rest of the plan will be revealed in time!
Trust yourself, your judgement, and the Spirit. You are obedient and faithful ensuring a strong foundation, providing the framework for mature, confident decisions. It doesn't mean your decisions will be mistake-free and painless, but you will always recover quickly, learn, and move on.
Sarah and I are excited for our trip to Provo in 2 weeks. Although we'll have GREAT FUN at the clogging-fest in the Barn at Thanksgiving Point, we'll also find time to talk where we won't wear out our lungs screaming over 500 little girls (and boys) clogging their hearts out! :D
I love you and am so proud of who you are!
I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link
Do you have copy writer for so good articles? If so please give me contacts, because this really rocks! :)
What? Content leakers? Anonymous needs an editor for their comments. Lol
Anyway, good luck with those decisions!
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