on feminism

When I was in high school I drove an awesome car. One time I was in a Walgreen's parking lot with a dead battery. I had my friend Rachelle bring her car around, and I took out the jumper cables to jump my little convertible. And really, guys, I am a pro with jumper cables. As I was setting up, this man came over and asked if I need help. I politely declined, because, really, I knew what I was doing. This man, however, clearly didn't believe me and stood by watching me connect the cables to my battery and offering unsolicited and condescending advice. Once my car started (because I knew it would), this man looked at me and said gruffly, "Well, I guess you did know what you were doing."

{So here's the thing, readers: I am a feminist, and my guess is that you are too.}

I'm not a bra-burning, men-are-the-worst feminist. I don't like that strain of feminism. I'm a feminist who subscribes to the most basic of feminist principles: equality. And by equality I don't mean that I think gender should be socially negated. Because it shouldn't. Gender is important. By equality, I mean that men and women should be given the same rights and have their responsibilities be treated with the same amount of respect. I don't think that men are inherently better than women and I also don't think that women are inherently better than men.

While the feminist fight used to be about voting rights and the glass ceiling (and maybe still concerns the latter), my own feminist fight is more about sex.

The media tells me that I need a waist two sizes smaller with a chest size two sizes bigger. I need a toned abdomen, a tight butt, and makeup that always looks professional. The media also tells me that as a woman, I really don't matter much. My body is sexualized to sell everything from shoes to burgers. The media tells me that really all I'm good for is selling beer and gum. And TV shows and movies often don't help. Just look at Penny on The Big Bang Theory, who, while likeable, is a valley girl with zero smarts. Or the girls in the Transformer movies, who play nothing but a damsel-in-distress.

What are my daughters going to think when they see their female counterparts plastered half-naked on billboards or—let's get real—half-naked in the classroom among their peers? What are my sons going to think when they see women objectified and debased so publicly? Don't women realize that by subjecting themselves to the media like that they're in fact diminishing their power?

Thankfully, positive portrayals of women do make a media appearance. I want to expose my family to strong female characters like Hermione Granger and Molly Weasley from Harry Potter, Jo March from Little Women, Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice, Sarah Prine from These Is My Words, and Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables. I want my children to know about my grandmothers, both women full of faith, grit, and joy. I want my daughters and sons to look at Josh and me and see a marriage based on the gospel, on respect, and on teamwork.

Even though I see sexualized women—and even sexualized little girls—everywhere in the media, I do interact with real women everyday through church, work, friends, and blogs. I know what a real woman is, and she is the woman I aspire to be, even if that means I'm imperfect and struggling. I want to be real. While the world may disagree with me, I know that when I'm a mother I will be making a bigger difference in the world than any corporate executive or movie producer. I refuse to contribute to Satan's lie about women and sex.

As women, we are real. Flawed? Sure. Beautiful? Absolutely. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.