4.03.2012

expecting--20 weeks

I hit the 20-week mark over the weekend, which means that I'm officially halfway through my pregnancy. Even at halfway through, this whole baby thing has been so surreal that I can hardly believe that in four or five months Mr. Babe will be here as an external part of our family.


Expecting is an interesting term to use for pregnancy, because I have been expecting, yet I hardly know what to expect in the first place. Those first couple months of pregnancy, from seeing the digital "pregnant" read-out to hearing the heartbeat the first time, I was in a high state of anticipation (and nausea and fatigue). Then after that first appointment when the pregnancy was confirmed healthy, I realized that even though I was officially "expecting" I still had my current life to deal with. As much as I'd love to, I couldn't spend all day pinning nursery ideas.

So then life slipped back into relative normalcy. I wasn't showing, and I couldn't feel the baby; the only thing I had to prove to myself on a day-to-day basis that I was really pregnant was the hormonal reactions and persistent cold.



It's been in just the past couple of weeks (the most stressful weeks so far of the pregnancy) that I've been feeling the surrealism of pregnancy lift just a little. I started feeling Babe a couple weeks ago. It started out like tiny pieces of popcorn popping inside my abdomen and has since progressed to more deliberate and delightful jabs. And then seeing Babe on the ultrasound machine brought this pregnancy to a whole new level of reality.

And even then, part of me is still is disbelief. I have no idea how different life will be, how different I'll be after this experience. What I do know, however, is that ultimately I'll be different in the ways I need it, that Babe will alter our family in the best ways, that through Babe my life will hold more for me than I can realize now.

So, I'm still expecting, even though I don't really know what I'm expecting. I'm living my life now and thinking and praying about my expectant life with Josh and Babe--and it's wonderful.

8 comments:

m.estelle said...

i am so excited about this, and so happy for you two. this baby boy is so fortunate to have such fun and incredible parents!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Jeanette said...

I completely understand the disbelief and surreality of it all. Especially before you begin to feel movement, but even after... it's not real until... I don't know, they're a few months old? Good luck with the babe. You make a cute pregnant woman. :)

Denise said...

I love being able to see you pregnant! You're darling and I love you--and Babe, too. How fortunate that you have blogging to document your journey into motherhood.

Hannah said...

Love the pictures. Very cute!

Jill said...

I think feeling the baby move is the coolest feeling ever! That was my favorite part of being pregnant!

Samara said...

Beautiful post! I'm so happy for you. And I love the pictures.

Ande said...

That's a pretty adorable baby bump.

michelle said...

I love these musings. And I love that you are able to blog about this journey, it is one like no other, that's for sure.

You look absolutely adorable! And I loved that popcorn popping feeling so much.

You are right, you really don't know what you're expecting. And I don't think anyone can really prepare you for what is coming. Your life is turned upside down and inside out and your heart grows more than you ever thought it could and nothing is ever the same again.

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