parenthood right now

Right now parenthood involves lots of conversations about Daniel Tiger and many rounds of hiding under a blanket and saying, "Where am I?"

Parenthood is reading books and transitioning out of board books and into legitimate picture books.

Parenthood is baking cookies together and sharing the beaters. It's negotiating how many more bites to eat and enduring meltdowns when dessert is a mere two bites out of reach.

Parenthood is trying to teach toilet autonomy and the concept of privacy. It's cheering over correctly pulled on underwear and conceding when it comes to picking out what shirt to wear.

Parenthood right now is also in a specific phase of motherhood, when while being the dinner negotiator I'm also growing a new babe, a phase of continuous multitasking.

This part of motherhood is in its final weeks, and means an increasingly achy body. It means having to be so many things I don't feel I have the energy for. It means simultaneous and overwhelming physical and mental exhaustion.

Right now parenthood is full of apprehension about how our family will change when we go from three to four, uncertainty about how I'll adjust, and concern over how my relationship with my sweet boy will evolve.

Parenthood is full of hefty doses of tears and belly laughs, usually all on the same day. It's cuddles and hugs, discipline and instruction. It's full of prayers, spoken and silent and sometimes desperately cried.

Right now parenthood makes me feel inadequate and empowered. It's full of contradictions that fall into place, even though I won't ever understand how. It's full of mistakes and triumphs, grace and growth. It's beautiful and messy and I wouldn't go back and choose any other life.

there and back again with plenty of italics

I haven't visited this space in several days. The truth is that Josh and I took a long weekend away with just the two of us. I know. Aren't you even wondering where we went? I'll tell you: DisneyLand. I know, you're probably thinking, What kind of parents go to DisneyLand without their kid? Well, these parents do. Several months back, our friends Katelyn and Matt came up for a brief visit, and we casually made plans to go to DisneyLand together. And then here's the kicker: we actually made it happen.

You know when you're talking with friends and someone suggests something like going to DisneyLand and everyone thinks it's a good idea but no one actually does anything to make it happen? We made it happen. And it was wonderful. Josh and I sweet-talked his parents into entertaining Asher for the weekend (though let's get real, it's not like it's hard to get grandparents to do anything for the grandbabe), and last Wednesday, after a teary goodbye on my part, we flew to Orange County alone. 

We spent two full days in the parks, rode roller coasters, waited in lines, and ate way more food than we should have. We spent a day at the beach and went out for pizza. We stayed in a motel where the internet was spotty and the sheets were only slightly softer than butcher paper. The boys got along swimmingly, which meant that Katelyn and I had cumulative hours and hours of easy talk and heavy talk and lasting-friendship talk. 

{Mr. Wilson came out on the wetter side of Splash Mountain. Obviously}

{Those corndogs--you can basically feel your arteries clogging on the spot and you can't help but take another bite}

This getaway was just what Josh and I needed to remind us that we're still real adults apart from being parents. We're still us in addition to being Mom and Dad. We're still normal adults who have real, normal friendships with wonderful, wonderful people. And I'm kicking myself for not getting one single picture of all of us together.

{swiped from Katelyn's Instagram}

After all was said and done, Josh and I were so excited to see our boy and be parents again. I mean, seriously, how could you not miss this face?

{Grandma Karen kept us in good supply of Asher pics--I mean, seriously}

The lesson here? DisneyLand can sometimes be for grownups. Because kids aren't the only ones who like soft pretzels and Space Mountain.

mothers--almost a mother

{26 weeks}

I tried on three different outfits today before going to church and cried because I was so frustrated that nothing fits and because I felt chubby instead of pregnant. (There were definitely hormones involved this morning.) I have many moments when I don't enjoy pregnancy for its pains and discomforts, and then I feel Mr. Babe poke me a hello and my heart melts.

I wouldn't take an infinite number of comforts if it took away my babe. And I would take countless more discomforts if that's what it took to bring a healthy babe into our family.

Every day I tell Josh how excited I am to actually meet this little babe. I wonder who he'll look like, what his personality will be, how he'll intereact with his world. Isn't it remarkable that even before he's born, this babe is already an integral, irreplaceable part of our family? My heart is already overflowing with love for this little boy--my heart is already his.

While I may not know much of anything about real motherhood at this point, what I do know is that I love my baby--and that love will go a long way.

mothers--my mother-in-law

Motherhood is on my mind almost all the time now. Obviously. This year's Mother's Day will be unique in my life, because never again will I be almost a mother but not quite yet. I'm highlighting mothers in my life this week in the hope that I can learn from them how to mother my own babe and family.

When people find out that Josh and I live literally five minutes away from his parents, they often shoot me commiserating looks, presuming that I married into the Barones or something. The thing is, though, that I couldn't have picked better in-laws if I tried.

Over the past year and a half, I've gotten to know Karen beyond her role as mother-in-law. We're both family and friends, and I love it.

Since becoming a Wilson, I've tried and done many things that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Karen is outgoing and adventurous, and she has this uncanny way of pushing me to try new things while still loving and accepting me as I am, however unadventurous. Do you think I would have ever tried Lebanese food or rock climbing if Karen hadn't been there to encourage me to do it? It's unlikely.

Thanks to Karen I've learned how to take that leap outside of my comfort zone, because chances are that I'll find something pretty awesome. When I take those leaps, she's always right there to be my cheerleader, and when I'm not up for branching out, she says it's okay and loves me anyway.

***

As a mother I want to help Babe reach outside of himself and take risks, and when stepping beyond his comfort zone is a little too much at the moment, I want him to know that I love him regardless.

mothers--Carol Jean

Motherhood is on my mind almost all the time now. Obviously. This year's Mother's Day will be unique in my life, because never again will I be almost a mother but not quite yet. I'm highlighting mothers in my life this week in the hope that I can learn from them how to mother my own babe and family.

{The Woods circa the grooviest era--obviously. Grandma is the mom in this photo, Dad the grooviest--obviously.}

When I talk about my grandma on this blog, I almost always am talking about my mom's mom; however, I really do have another grandmother who is very dear to me. She passed away almost 20 years ago, when I was only five. I am the only one of my dad's children who even remembers her, and my recollections are mere snapshot memories.

Whenever I think about my grandma, I think steadfast. She lovingly held her children accountable to the doctrines and principles she taught in her home. She taught my dad to be a man--a man who loves his wife and children and who loves his God. Even though she left us two decades ago, she lives on through her family; her influence radiates beyond herself and into her posterity.

So though I may not have many memories of her I feel like I know her, at least the most important parts of her. She's just as much a grandmother to me as my grandmother who was able to participate so actively in my life.

***

As a mother, I want to be steadfast; I want to teach Mr. Babe to be the truest kind of man.

mothers--CJP

Motherhood is on my mind almost all the time now. Obviously. This year's Mother's Day will be unique in my life, because never again will I be almost a mother but not quite yet. I'm highlighting mothers in my life this week in the hope that I can learn from them how to mother my own babe and family.

{Grandma and the Wood girls circa May 2008}

CJP is short for Charlotte Jane Petersen, my grandmother and namesake. I lived just blocks away from my grandparents my entire childhood and adolescence; my formative years would be completely different without my mom's parents.

When I was young, I would have sleepovers at Grandma's, and while I eagerly anticipated the Shirley Temple movies and decadent breakfasts, my favorite part was chatting. Instead of a bedtime story, we would sit in her bedroom and chat. I don't remember many conversations from when I was a child, but I do remember the topics of those chats as I grew older.

In high school and when I'd come home from college, I'd sit in Grandma's kitchen and chat with her. I could talk with her about anything--school, friends, boys, jobs, the gospel. While not all of our conversations explicitly focused on Christ, and even though I may not have recognized it at the time, during our countless conversations her own relationship with Christ was making an indelible imprint on my own soul.

Grandma taught me that it's our privilege and gift to have a very personal relationship with our Savior. The open and unfettered way she spoke of Christ indicated a developed, honest, and trusting relationship with her Savior. Christ was very much a part of her every day, very much a part of her role as wife, mother, friend., and disciple. She radiated a countenance like unto her Redeemer, and she was beautiful for it.

She passed away two years ago, and though we're separated for a time, I believe that she is with my babe now, teaching him the vital importance of coming to know your Savior.

***

As a mother I seek to deepen and refine my relationship with Christ and live that relationship and testimony for my family.

mothers--my mother

Motherhood is on my mind almost all the time now. Obviously. This year's Mother's Day will be unique in my life, because never again will I be almost a mother but not quite yet. I'm highlighting mothers in my life this week in the hope that I can learn from them how to mother my own babe and family.

Growing up I remember we had many people coming in and out of our home--people stopping by for church callings, people dropping off or picking up things, people coming over to chat for an evening. Our home was often a hub of comings and goings and stayings and leavings.

Once or twice (and with a couple of different people) we even had teenagers who lived with us for brief stints of time. In high school my friends and my sister's friends spent lots of time over with our family. We had neighbors who came over almost daily, sharing various family occasions with us.

If we had vistiors who happened to be around come dinner, Mom often invited them to stay, willingly adding one or two more plates to the table, whether it be a run-of-the-mill weeknight or Christmas Eve dinner.

I never gave much thought to this phenonemon that was my hub of a home. Sometimes I itched for more just-my-family time, but I never resented my mother for opening our home to anybody who wanted to be there. Not too long ago I identified the characteristic that defined my home and explained its frequent visitors: My mother created a home where the Spirit could be, and because of that, our home was a safe place not only for my family but for others as well.

Whenever I'm home I feel loved and accepted, and others outside of my siblings and me feel that same love. My mom created a safe home and a loving home--a home defined by the gospel and its unique and permeating spirit.

***

As a mother, I hope to fill my home with the Spirit, with love, acceptance, and safety.