adjusting—finally

Adjusting to full-time work has been an adventure, to put it positively. I can't pinpoint why a full-time job has been so straining on me this time, because I've worked full-time before. This go-around, however, has put me through its paces. And it's not the job itself. I like my job. It's not glamorous by any means, and it's not an editing or writing job (which was a hard pill for me to swallow), but it's interesting. I like my co-workers, and I feel valued professionally. As far as administrative jobs go, this is one of the best.

The aspect that's been the hardest for me to accept is time. I've always been someone who needs time to herself. I don't function well when I don't have time to regroup and decompress. So when I found myself thrown into full-time work added onto an hour commute each way I felt panicked into thinking that I'd never have time make dinner, grocery shop, or do laundry, much less to indulge in leisure activities. {Note: Josh has taken up the slack most gallantly and has relieved me of much of the housework load}

So the past few months have been a mess of an often over-emotional me struggling to grasp quasi-adulthood and adjust like a normal person. I mean, people do this everyday. Who am I to complain about full-time work? And for me, full-time work does have a foreseeable end {in general, not specific—this is in no way an announcement}. When we have children, we're planning—fingers crossed—on me not working outside of the home. So this formal, eight-hour job should be a cakewalk. (Because, let's face it, mothering certainly won't be.) But full-time work isn't a cinch. At least for right now.

To the point of this post: lately I feel more adjusted. I don't exactly look forward to waking up at 6:00 every morning and getting home twelve hours later, but most of the time I don't wake up dreading my day. (Yes, I have had days like that.) Lately I've had more good days than hard ones. I may not have time to clean the bathroom every week or make dinner every night, and I'm finally accepting that that's okay for now. I'm blessed that my job is a good and stable one, that it's in an interesting part of town, and that it's two blocks away from Powell's. I'm blessed to have an empathetic husband, who listens, consoles, and vacuums. I'm blessed with stamina for socializing, because we have so many fun couples in our ward. I'm blessed with the miracle that I really have been able to find time for domestic responsibilities and hobbies.

The adjustment is finally settling down. I'm finally starting to feel more in control of my emotions. I'm finally figuring out that where I am right now, while not my ideal, is still a good place.

{Sidebar: Yes, I know that parenting will not make room for much alone-time and that I'll end up being even more frustrated in trying to keep a tidy house. Somehow, though, having mothering suck away my time seems different from IDL Worldwide sucking away my time. I'll be investing my time in my children, and somehow that has to be so much more worthwhile than investing my time in FedEx-label making.}