3.07.2011

adjusting—finally

Adjusting to full-time work has been an adventure, to put it positively. I can't pinpoint why a full-time job has been so straining on me this time, because I've worked full-time before. This go-around, however, has put me through its paces. And it's not the job itself. I like my job. It's not glamorous by any means, and it's not an editing or writing job (which was a hard pill for me to swallow), but it's interesting. I like my co-workers, and I feel valued professionally. As far as administrative jobs go, this is one of the best.

The aspect that's been the hardest for me to accept is time. I've always been someone who needs time to herself. I don't function well when I don't have time to regroup and decompress. So when I found myself thrown into full-time work added onto an hour commute each way I felt panicked into thinking that I'd never have time make dinner, grocery shop, or do laundry, much less to indulge in leisure activities. {Note: Josh has taken up the slack most gallantly and has relieved me of much of the housework load}

So the past few months have been a mess of an often over-emotional me struggling to grasp quasi-adulthood and adjust like a normal person. I mean, people do this everyday. Who am I to complain about full-time work? And for me, full-time work does have a foreseeable end {in general, not specific—this is in no way an announcement}. When we have children, we're planning—fingers crossed—on me not working outside of the home. So this formal, eight-hour job should be a cakewalk. (Because, let's face it, mothering certainly won't be.) But full-time work isn't a cinch. At least for right now.

To the point of this post: lately I feel more adjusted. I don't exactly look forward to waking up at 6:00 every morning and getting home twelve hours later, but most of the time I don't wake up dreading my day. (Yes, I have had days like that.) Lately I've had more good days than hard ones. I may not have time to clean the bathroom every week or make dinner every night, and I'm finally accepting that that's okay for now. I'm blessed that my job is a good and stable one, that it's in an interesting part of town, and that it's two blocks away from Powell's. I'm blessed to have an empathetic husband, who listens, consoles, and vacuums. I'm blessed with stamina for socializing, because we have so many fun couples in our ward. I'm blessed with the miracle that I really have been able to find time for domestic responsibilities and hobbies.

The adjustment is finally settling down. I'm finally starting to feel more in control of my emotions. I'm finally figuring out that where I am right now, while not my ideal, is still a good place.

{Sidebar: Yes, I know that parenting will not make room for much alone-time and that I'll end up being even more frustrated in trying to keep a tidy house. Somehow, though, having mothering suck away my time seems different from IDL Worldwide sucking away my time. I'll be investing my time in my children, and somehow that has to be so much more worthwhile than investing my time in FedEx-label making.}

6 comments:

Shilah said...

I found it! I love this and the tidbits of our conversation I found in it. I actually kept thinking about and going over what we talked about a long time after you left. I thought all about school and work and families and making the choices at the right times to make the best home for children to come to. I'm so impressed with both your degrees, I think you'll visibly be able to see what a plus they are throughout your life. I love your footnote just because I feel the same way. I'm always sure people think I'm crazy when I say how I can't WAIT to have babies and stop working! And you and I both know it's not because we think it'll be easier but simply because we know it'll be so so much more worthwhile.

You have editing skills, and now I hope I'll be able to catch all my punctuation and grammatical errors in my blog before you see them, you're so intimidating! =] Thanks for coming over tonight, I hope we can do it again super soon.

hannah said...

Present chaos and sleeplessness aside, motherhood is totally better than working. 1) You get to walk to the park on sunny days, 2) Finger painting, 3) Cookie baking, 4) Once they learn to talk, they are always saying things to crack you up. 5) I can't even number all the rest of the reasons...
These things sort of make up for the fact that I can't go to the bathroom by myself anymore.

Susan said...

Look to your mother, the superwoman, and follow her example! She's got it down for sure.

Sounds like you might have a young Sneelock in the making!

Denise said...

This is a happy post to send me off to bed after an extremely long day. I'm happy to hear that you're adjusting and that you are able to redefine "normal" for your life right now.

(And right at this moment I feel about as far away from superwoman as you can get. . ..)

Love you :)

jt said...

I'm sorry you were having a hard time, but I'm glad you are adjusting. I try and remind myself often that there is a season for everything. When I am having a hard time with one aspect of my life, or motherhood, I remind myself that this is just the season I am in and it will not always be that way. It helps me to isolate and enjoy the good parts and know that the not-so-good parts won't last forever. Try to enjoy this newlywed period of your life, full-time worker and all. Once you have kids, as wonderful as it is, you will sometimes long for the relatively carefree days when it was just you and Josh. Motherhood is rewarding and worthwhile, but also exhausting and trying. Enjoy the season you are in and know that motherhood awaits, in its own time.
Love you.

Katie said...

I feel like I am dreading the things you just described as I will begin my full time job experience in January and student teach in the fall. Charlotte, you put things into words so well. I feel like I know what you are feeling even though I haven't exprienced it yet because I have thought about it a lot recently. Love ya Charlotte Jane!

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